Phyxation
by Scripta Lexicona
Summary: L didn't pursue Kira just because it was his duty--he did it because he /needed/ to catch him. Nearly canon, L-centric. Eventual LLight. Now complete: 7 chapters plus epilogue.
1. Hate This & I'll Love You

AN: If there had been an "obsession" genre, that's so what this would have been under because romance is really not the way to describe what I have in mind. This will pretty much follow canon from L's side of things and fill in some of those spaces in between. I'll try to keep L in character as much as possible but ... well, we'll see. :) Also, the rating isn't so much for now but for later events.

Since I was able to finish the first chapter for today and since it just so happens to be July, I have a particular update schedule in mind, which I'm sure you'll be able to figure out, and hopefully I'll be able to stick to. I'm planning on seven chapters, possibly (but not likely) with an epilogue.

All lyrics are Muse, the chapter titles the songs they come from. Sadly, I couldn't put "Time Is Running Out" in here anywhere (which I think is pretty much L & Light's theme song) but I worked it into the title. :)

Anyway, without further ado...

* * *

Hate This & I'll Love You

_'Cause I was born to destroy you  
And I am growing by the hour  
And I'm getting strong in every way_

_.x.L.x._

In L's experience it wasn't that most criminals who eluded police capture were particularly clever but rather simply lucky. A lack of evidence, a _muddling_ of the evidence, not enough clues to fix on a suspect or even suspect type, over-worked and under-staffed police forces…. Very rarely was it cleverness. So when that _was_ the case, L took particular notice and particular enjoyment in the pursual of that person. It was why he was so selective. Most people thought it was because he could be – he knew it was because he _had_ to be. Nothing else would have held his interest and nothing else would have been worth his considerably valuable time. A bored L was no good to anyone (although the monetary compensation certainly didn't hurt either).

So when the deaths of criminals around the world had started raising little red flags on his computer he began collecting data immediately. There was something behind this, something deep – L could sense it. More than the massive number of dead in such a short period, more than the curious mode of death, more than the lack of any kind of evidence…. There was purpose, drive, a strong will. And, undoubtedly, a keen mind, meaning a worthwhile challenge and the promise of entertainment.

It took him a day to root out the death of one Kurou Otoharada, leading him to conclude that the person (or persons, though, despite the number and various locations of the deaths, he doubted there _was_ more than one person involved) was based in Japan. The next day L had Watari rent an unused and unfurnished office for him and he moved his operation to Tokyo with the barest essentials. There was a meager bathroom attached and a tiny washing machine had been brought in as well as a futon. Watari had also set up a food delivery service that left packages daily outside the seldom-opened office door and picked up the empty boxes afterwards, so that L could essentially function autonomously. It suited L well enough and he poured all his energy into gathering information and trying to form connections, patterns, anything that could be used to find and _stop_ this person.

Within a week Interpol convened a meeting on the subject, the issue of "Kira" as the person had been first dubbed by the Japanese media, the appellation accepted world-round. Watari was there, of course, representing him and allowing L to monitor the conference. L was glad they'd picked up on the situation so quickly – relatively speaking – because although he was fairly confident only one person was responsible (about eighty percent), that one person had managed to throw the world into an upheaval and he was going to need a great deal of assistance to bring Kira down. Starting with a test of his theory on Kira's current whereabouts.

Lind L. Tailor. The incident was elating in so many ways. His first direct confrontation with Kira, confirmation of Kira's presence in Japan, confirmation that Kira did not need to be with a criminal to kill him, not to mention the knowledge that Kira would definitely end anyone representing an opposing force. And L had taken a kind of sadistic pleasure in taunting Kira to extinguish him, too, and promising Kira's death at his own hands. After all, he was L. And L did not lose. L was righteousness and just plain _right_ and the likes of Kira would not be tolerated while he had the power to do something about it.

Moreover it had added another piece to the puzzle and L started to make tenuous connections. As odd as it was, it was beginning to seem like Kira could murder someone simply by knowing their name and their face and, alternatively, could _not_ kill someone without those things. L began to use the Japanese police force in earnest, Watari acting as his liaison. Of course, a number of the investigators were not happy about the situation. It was a circumstance L ran into more often than not and one that he generally ignored. Some authority figures had difficulty in accepting the fact that L was in charge and they were beholden to his instructions, and in this particular case there were some qualms over his methods. Namely the sacrificing of a life – even though it was one that had been doomed anyway – merely to prove a point. But L really didn't care about their opinions as long as they did their duty. He valued people as a whole, otherwise he probably never would have been a proper detective, just solved cases purely for his own gratification without bothering to see that the criminals paid for their crimes; but as far as interpersonal relationships went … well, he just wasn't interested.

Then Kira had begun to play games with L and he experienced an annoying mix of emotions. On one hand he was intrigued and a little excited to learn that he'd been right – there was definitely a sharp mind at work, one that was willing to rise to L's challenges. But that didn't mean L enjoyed being mocked and that's exactly what Kira was doing, flaunting the fact that somehow his conclusions were being discovered and that Kira was not at all concerned about L knowing it. Well, he would _make_ Kira concerned, make Kira anxious and let it be known that L was not someone to mess with.

Now his task was considerably more difficult. Instead of relying on the NPA to aid him with the investigation, L was forced to suspect a member (or members) of leaking the results of their work to Kira in some fashion. L didn't want to think that one of the police might be deliberately aiding Kira or even _be_ Kira, but … if it brought him closer to finding Kira's identity, he would use whatever means he could. So L contacted the FBI and arranged for each detective and their families to be trailed over a period of a few days each. It would take some time, more than L wanted give, but only so many agents could be spared and L would take what he could get. After all, Kira was not resting.

_.x.L.x._

Investigators began to drop out of the case for fear of their lives. L said nothing, but the meal boxes he left outside his door for pick-up were only partially emptied.

_.x.L.x._

He needed a break. Most of those who "knew" L probably assumed that the man was some sort of robot that never ceased in its thinking and deduction, never needed rest or to occasionally take a step back from intense scrutiny of a puzzle, but that was far from the reality. Of course solving cases was what drove L and gave him purpose and satisfaction but he was still human. He'd been scouring not only a compilation of the criminals executed so far – cause of death, location, time of death, crime committed, apprehended or wanted, media presentation – but also the considerable number of files detailing the basic facts about each NPA member currently (or formerly, as the number continued to dwindle) working on the Kira investigation as well as their family members. The information was swirling around in his mind, constantly seeking answers and links, trying to put together a whole picture without all the necessary pieces.

Physical release tended to help – at times it could be something as simple as taking a walk, usually at night when he could most easily be inconspicuous. Clad in a hooded, zip-up sweatshirt, hands buried in the pockets, L became any other shiftless vagrant purposelessly wandering the streets. Other times – like now – something a little more strenuous was called for.

He had taken up the art a couple of years ago after being exposed to it by a woman who had assisted him with a case (her name had long since flitted out of his recall although she had left a lasting impression). _Capoeira_. It had come rather naturally to him though he wasn't surprised by that. L had an enormous capacity for learning and he loved to move. Plus, the art was deceptive, the movements fluid, graceful, even playful, but demanding a strong body to perform them. It appealed to his manipulative nature.

His shirt was tossed carelessly to the floor to keep the fabric from shifting and bunching annoyingly. The music pulsing through his computer's speakers was a British band he'd come across recently – L appreciated the power and clarity (not to mention the range) of the male lead vocal and the tones of the songs seemed to fit his routine, strange as they were at times. Not that it necessarily mattered _what_ he listened to as long as it had an appropriate rhythm. But the music tended to soothe him as much as the motions did and so he was picky in his choices.

Kick kick spin dodge handstand twirl drop weave cartwheel kick flip twirl, on and on, the music cranked and resonating off the non-descript walls, no need to worry about disturbing or being disturbed – his room was in the midst of a block of un-let offices. The exercise was a little hollow without a target to spar against but it was still cathartic, still allowed L to lose himself in the workings of his body rather than his mind. At least until the chime of his computer let him know that Watari was contacting him. With a sigh, he dropped back onto his feet, pulled on his shirt and answered the call.

"Yes, Watari?"

"There have been some unusual prisoner deaths. I'm sending the information to you now."

_What the hell?_ One of the files was a picture of a pentagram that the prisoner had drawn in his own blood before he died. The other was some sort of suicide note, poorly written and oddly spaced. L's hand wandered absently up to his face, fingers on his lips. Did this mean … could Kira actually manipulate actions as well...? He'd have to mull over that but first things first. He connected with the Kira investigation headquarters and instructed Superintendent Yagami not to reveal anything to the media other than that the victims had died of heart attacks.

Now, what was this all about? The two criminals were Japanese inmates which was typical of Kira's latest sprees – that was, ever since L had revealed that he'd narrowed his focus to the Kanto region. L called up the file for any other inmates that died of cardiac arrest on the same day – there were a total of six. Of the six, three had exhibited unusual behavior, the third having broken out of his cell to die in a restroom. So what was so special about those three? What was Kira trying to do?

His eyes wandered over the picture and the note again. They were so out of place…. And then he saw the message. The note was written in proper Japanese style, vertical, read right to left. But if he read the characters across the top, left to right….

_L do you know?_

Was that what this was all about? A taunt to him? But then what about the others? The questions spun around in L's head until he came to the conclusion that there was no conclusion to come to. At least not at this point. He would have to wait for Kira.

More capoeira practice followed but he worked off very little of his frustration.

_.x.L.x._

The very next day there was another note. This one said, "shinigami" and left the rest of the statement hanging. The FBI agents had no suspicious activity to report on any of their subjects thus far. L took a walk late at night and didn't return until much later.

_.x.L.x._

Then, disaster. L kept it together during his conversation with the FBI director. Really it wasn't that difficult; he'd been putting up fronts for years and where work was involved it didn't require any thought. And he needed all the information he could get immediately – this had been a big move by Kira and the chances were greater that a mistake had been made somewhere, which was precisely what L needed. Better yet, Kira _had_ to have been in contact with at one of the agents, which could significantly narrow L's focus. But….

Twelve agents were dead.

The FBI was pulling out.

The NPA would be informed that they had been under investigation at L's command.

And….

"L, another victim has left a note."

_L, do you know?_

_Shinigami…_

_…only eat apples._

"_Damn it!!_" The rage that had been smoldering in L now reached inferno and the better part of it was directed at himself. He'd allowed those stupid notes, those meaningless _taunts_ to divert his attention and while he'd been absorbed with them Kira had taken the advantage and eliminated a perceived threat. Which just so happened to be twelve human beings. Twelve human beings who were _not_ criminals. Twelve human beings who specialized in the _capture_ of criminals. Twelve human beings who had been there only because of L. Kira was no longer just some hideous vigilante. Kira was now firmly in the class of people so methodically being executed.

Fine then. If that's how it was going to be, then L would play the game.

_.x.L.x._

There was a great deal that needed to be arranged and planned in an incredibly short amount of time. It all hinged on the NPA task force and L didn't think they would take very long to make their decision. And if he was going to appear before them, not as some random character but admittedly as L, he needed to prepare.

The first thing he did was have Watari arrange for a suite in the Imperial Hotel. It was located near the investigation headquarters and so would be convenient when the task force decided to make their move. Extra was paid, as always, to allow for the coming and going of various persons at all hours, the discontinuation of any cleaning service during the length of his stay and basically for the staff to turn a blind eye to the fact that there was even anyone occupying the space. (If L had ever bothered to employ an accountant, the man probably would have offed himself after just a few months due to the way the detective carelessly ran through his considerable funds.)

However, such a situation could only be temporary and other reservations (under various names) were set up for future stays, each only a few days. The true solution, though, to the inconveniences required much more planning and a great deal more time. L didn't want to wait that long, but it wasn't as though he had a choice – buildings to time to construct. At least he didn't have to deal with the details. He told Watari what he wanted for their future headquarters – self-contained, security-laden, multi-floored and capable of serving as both an investigation base and living space for him and however many NPA members chose to stay with him (there was an eighty-seven percent chance it would not be more than ten at the outset) – and let the man handle the practicalities of obtaining the area and necessary licenses, hiring the designers and contractors.

That left L with his own personal preparations. They were things he'd done before, but never for such a long period of time (as this was likely to be). And if he was going to be appearing as the detective L, then he wanted his façade to be as polished as possible. Most of it involved modification of behaviors he already indulged in – it was both easy and insured that he wouldn't break character. Not that he should have any problem with that anyway. He was _L_ after all.

His appearance was already on the slovenly side given his preference for wearing baggy denims and loose-fitting white pull-overs, both of which served to hide his trim but fit physique and had the added benefit of being extremely low maintenance. Never bothering much with the state of his hair other than to brush it back out of his face put the cap on L's careless personal presentation. And his dislike of wearing anything on his feet (except outdoors where such a thing would have been stupid) would be taken as a natural eccentricity.

Not exactly one with perfect posture anyway, he took the slouch to excessive levels, hunching his back and sinking his knees, actually taking a few inches off his not-terribly-considerable height. When sitting, he would pull his legs up into a sort of fetal crouch, reinforcing his apparent need to put up a defensive front and accentuate his … weirdness. L was also in the habit of putting his fingers on his mouth when in thought – that could be tweaked to actually putting a finger inside, like his thumb maybe. It would certainly look childish. Perhaps if he chewed on it as well…? Trying the nail first, he decided he didn't care for the sensation the action made on his teeth and settled for nibbling on the skin around it instead.

Finally, he altered the way he handled things, another modification of a preexisting oddity. This one actually caused him to laugh out loud at himself, especially when he attempted to write while holding the pen in a completely ridiculous barely-using-the-tips-of-his-fingers grip. The method took some time to perfect and L enjoyed a few more chuckles at himself before he had it reasonably mastered. So. That should be a good enough foundation to instill certain false impressions in the people he was made to interact with. The rest could be improvised and improved upon as he went.

Now for the precautions. A specialized timer was connected to his computer which was linked to Watari's own. The timer was set for twenty days. Every day, Watari would reset the initiation code. In the event of his failure to do so, the countdown would begin after twenty-four hours. If it was not disabled before it hit zero, a simple message would be sent to the cell phone of a man named Roger, currently running what was known as "Wammy's House." The message: L is dead. His last failsafe. Obviously, he himself would be unable to do anything while dead, but … there were others who could.

After he set up the failsafe, L sent a message off to Watari to inform him that he'd done so and also to instruct the man to look into procuring some special items for the members of the NPA that chose to remain with the investigation and with L. He also had Watari shift around some of his funds to a special account in anticipation of the members' future difficulties. Others might view L as difficult to work with – (_for_) – but one thing they couldn't complain about were his efforts to protect and provide for those who aided him. Even if he didn't always succeed.

Now he just needed to wait, though he doubted it would be long. In the mean time, L prepared to move to the hotel. Watari would already have any equipment and clothing available for him when he arrived so there was really nothing he needed to bring. And there was really nothing else he had, anyway. Except for the battered case that had been sitting in the corner of the office, untouched, ever since he'd first taken possession of the room. Which was how it usually went. L hardly ever touched the object and yet he moved it with him wherever he went.

He couldn't remember anymore who had given him the instrument or precisely why. Presumably because that person thought he would excel at it, perhaps prefer that method as an outlet for his creative energies. Probably a woman, then. And she had most likely chosen a violin because even as a nine-year-old boy, L had possessed long clever fingers that she no doubt assumed would be skilled to that particular instrument. Being as it was second-hand, it wasn't in the best shape and was a couple sizes too large for a boy his age, but he made do.

Whether it was out of obedient consideration – unlikely – or curiosity over the new device, L _did_ learn to play. He was certainly never what could have been termed a prodigy, but he taught himself well and, despite the violin's shabbiness, was capable of producing pleasing and accurate melodies. (In particular, he favored Mozart and Bach, though he never really bothered to think about why.) For about a year he idly played and then he simply stopped. He would never be a musician and while it _had_ been entertaining in a way – acquiring a new talent always was – he was done with it. Except….

L never did dispose of the violin. Which was unusual because L was not a sentimental creature by nature, not one to hang on to anything that didn't have an immediate use. And yet he'd kept this one thing for so many years. Granted, he hadn't taken the best care of it – it was no doubt in desperate need of a tune-up and at some point he'd lost the bow, which he'd never bothered to replace. But he occasionally bought new strings and every once in a while he would take the delicate wooden body out of its threadbare house and fiddle around with it (pun somewhat intended). Mostly he held it in his lap like a guitar and plucked at the strings, something he'd started doing long before he lost the bow. Strangely, like the walks or the capoeira, the mindless and largely tuneless things he strummed out let him leave his mind for a little while and lose himself in something else. Maybe that was why he'd kept it.

But he certainly couldn't take it with him now and there was no good reason to leave it here for an indefinite period of time. So when Watari came to pick him up, L had the case under one arm, handing it over to the man as he opened the car door.

"Please send this back to the House for me," L requested. "They may do whatever they like with it." And that was that.

_.x.L.x._

On New Year's Eve the task force made their decision. Soichiro Yagami, Kanzo Mogi, Shuichi Aizawa, Hirokazu Ukita and Touta Matsuda elected to continue their investigation with L but only under the condition that they meet with him personally, which was exactly what he had been expecting.

"Watari, please go and pick up those items I had you prepare," L instructed once the details of their meeting had been given to the NPA members. "I'm sending the list of names to use to your cell phone. By the way, I will be using Ryuuzaki."

"Understood." As always, Watari was efficient and prompt. Leaving L with nothing to do but wait and let his thoughts mill around in useless circles. If Kira was connected to one of these five people…. Things would be even riskier for L. There was no way Kira would pass up such an opportunity. But … it would also be an opportunity for L. He was still safe, after all, even if he was no longer just a letter on a screen. If he simply let Kira come to him….

His fingers twitched and he realized that they were itching for the instrument they had barely ever bothered with anyway. Of course. _Always want what you can never have_. And it was long gone now; he'd surely never see it again. Oh, well. No doubt just one of many things he'd inevitably give up.

_.x.L.x._

It was probably one of the worst first impressions L had ever given. Still, it was effective in proving his point and honestly he'd been annoyed at their carelessness. After all, they themselves had brought up the very valid point that _L_ could conceivably be Kira. There could have been a pile of corpses right inside L's door. Not that he would want to deal with such a mess. And of course, he _wasn't_ Kira. But his point remained. Although if he were truly _truly_ honest (which he generally never was) L would have had to admit that he also felt the need to mess with the investigators, just a little.

He laid out the details of what he knew, what he'd deduced, the bare bones of a plan all while dealing with their rather irritating tendency toward over-enthusiasm which generally lead to interruptions. Which he hated. At least Yagami seemed to be reasonable – he listened, he had command over his men and, most importantly, he seemed willing to defer to L's authority. Even if the others proved difficult, Yagami's approval would bring them in line. Although he shouldn't need it. Just a simple curve of his lips and a rather corny line was enough to rally them into a justice-induced frenzy. Which L then deflated with his statement that he would be speaking with each of them individually to determine whether or not Kira was amongst their group. Starting with Soichiro Yagami.

"I'm glad, Yagami-san, that you don't seem to be concerned any longer that I might be Kira," L offered amicably enough after settling into his chair.

The older man adjusted his glasses. "Well, it seemed like an unlikely theory at best. And having met with you, I think it even more so."

"You're sure that I'm who I claim to be?"

Yagami considered that for a moment. "I suppose it's possible that you're not, that you could be a stand-in or some kind of imposter. But most of the police force is well aware of what happens to those who make such a claim falsely and I find it hard to believe anyone would dare it."

L nodded. "That's true." His thumb wandered up to his mouth and he leisurely began chewing on it. "So, Yagami-san, I'm curious about your take on this case. What would you suggest our course of action should be?" And then he waited.

Unfortunately, there was nothing worth waiting. And the same followed in the interrogations of the other four men. He supposed it would have been a little too convenient for one of them to be Kira. The game would continue then. However, it wasn't all for naught. He'd come to some conclusions regarding the members of the task force, now his task force.

Soichiro Yagami was an intelligent and dedicated man with a strong sense of justice and would do what he believed was right. This would largely work in L's favor although it could become an obstacle in the future given L's penchant for using somewhat questionable and at times less than legal methods. However, Yagami seemed to trust L thus far which would make him easier to manipulate. Overall, he should prove to be a valuable asset.

Kanzo Mogi, though a large man, was reserved but not from a lack of intelligence. On the contrary, he was the type to listen fastidiously, absorb information and then make a careful decision. As with Yagami, he struck L as being a diligent and dedicated investigator. Another useful resource.

Shuichi Aizawa, like Yagami, was a man with very clear morals, especially, it seemed, when it came to the matter of methods of investigation. As in, he would probably have a big problem with the way L ran things. He also appeared to have a rather more volatile temper than any of the other task force members, meaning he was most likely to be the biggest protester of L's plans. And he'd have no qualms about letting it known when he _did_ disagree. Annoying, but handleable.

Hirokazu Ukita was undoubtedly not the brightest of the bunch but he was determined and hard-working and seemed perfectly willing to follow L's instructions. Always good qualities. He might not make any breakthroughs on the case but he would certainly be useful for the necessary gathering and organizing of data.

Touta Matsuda was enthusiastic, idealistic, naïve and largely an idiot. Like the others he believed strongly in what he thought was right which was probably the reason he became a member of the NPA to begin with, although that didn't explain to L how he'd actually _succeeded_ in becoming one. However, another body was another body – a compliant one at that – and L needed as many as he could get. Hopefully Matsuda wouldn't get in the way too much.

Overall, it seemed a rather able group of people aiding him and L was confident that, now that he was connected in a much more direct manner with the task force, they would locate and identify Kira quickly. Especially after analysis of all the information they'd been able to gather after the FBI incident. No, it wouldn't be long at all now.

_.x.L.x._

To L's disappointment, they'd only been able to get video footage of the deaths of three of the FBI agents. But, he thought later after scouring the tapes for hours on multiple televisions set up in their new hotel room, he supposed it didn't matter since one of those agents happened to be _the_ one. Raye Penber. And the sudden disappearance of Naomi Misora, his fiancée (who L now remembered as the woman who had introduced him to the capoeira he so enjoyed) merely confirmed in L's mind that they'd found Kira. Now all they needed was a name and L could have his suspect. And a face to put on his hidden opponent.

And L found it particularly interesting that the two people, the two families that he'd immediately narrowed their search down to were Deputy Director Kitamura and Superintendent Yagami, both highly ranked officers. And Yagami, the head of the Kira investigation task force…. It added nicely to the profile L had gradually been building in his mind. But to be sure, intense surveillance would be required, in the form of hidden cameras and listening devices planted in both houses. Which, of course, the members of the team who were currently present did not approve of. Because it wasn't _legal_. Blah blah.

"You'll risk your lives but not your jobs?" he put to them a little caustically. That, and a promise that their actions would remain secret was enough to give the investigators pause.

"How sure are you, Ryuuzaki?" Yagami finally asked. "What is the likelihood?"

It was childish, no doubt, but L couldn't help having a little bit of fun with the detectives, especially since they had just annoyed him. So even though he was nearly one hundred percent certain that one of those two households was harbouring Kira, the reply he gave was, "Ten percent." And then, just to tweak them a little further: "No, five percent." Aizawa was positively indignant, Matsuda was gaping in what L was beginning to believe was nearly a permanent state for him, and Yagami … well, Yagami he _did_ feel a trifle bad about. The man was visibly quivering in a commendable effort to contain himself. However, L wasn't surprised when it was he who insisted that they forge ahead with the surveillance and do it thoroughly as well. As a boon, L allowed that only he and Yagami would be observing that particular household while the rest of the task force was split up between monitoring the other, maintaining the front at the former task headquarters and continuing to delve through the tapes concerning Raye Penber's death.

The preparations would take a couple of days, both to install the devices and make their move to another hotel. But this time L didn't mind waiting. Very soon, Kira would be his.

* * *

AN: I think the song L was listening to while he practiced the capoeira was probably "Hysteria." I know, I'm sounding like some kind of Muse shill, but so many of their songs make me think of L & Light (although that could probably be true for any song if you twist it hard enough). Just think about it though: L, shirtless, doing those beautiful movements, Hysteria beating in the background... Mmm. Yummy. :)

I hope the violin wasn't too Holmesian. Really, it was just because that's what I happen to play. Tee hee. And all the intelligent people I know have _some _artistic way of expressing themselves which, in my circle, tends to be musically.

So, woot establishing chapter. Next time, spying fun! And some Light being naughty. 'Cause he's a cocky bastard like that.


	2. Butterflies & Hurricanes

AN: For the record, I freaking hate putting Japanese names in Romanji. I think it looks awful. And I wish whatever body it is that decides how transliteration is done would pick one bloody way and stick to it. But enough ranting. On to Light being a wanker. -giggle-

* * *

Butterflies & Hurricanes

_Fights and battles have begun  
Revenge will surely come  
Your hard times are ahead_

_.x.L.x._

By the third day, Light thought he was probably free to have a little fun. Although he didn't know how many investigators were currently on the Kira task force nor how many other – if any – families were under surveillance, it was reasonable to assume that, in deference to his father, only Soichiro Yagami and L would be keeping watch on the Yagami household. And, knowing his father, the man had done his best to keep up with L's pace but surely must have crashed by now. Leaving only L to watch. And Light was certain L was watching. There was no way someone like that would ever relinquish that kind of control.

Light had been initially alarmed when he realized cameras (and probably wires) had been put in his room, especially the obscene number of them. But, he reassured himself, he'd been prepared for this eventuality. Even if he took the extreme and assumed that he was the only suspect, there was nothing that he would be seen doing that could throw more suspicion on him. In fact, criminals still died without him doing anything at all out of the ordinary. L himself (Light was fairly sure the detective was a man) would be a key witness to his innocence. He enjoyed the twist in that, and the power.

So Light readied for bed, placing his dirty laundry into a basket and folding his pants neatly and hanging them in his closet. He donned a set of pajamas then went down the hall to relieve himself, wash his hands and face, brush his teeth, comb his hair. By this time Ryuuk had gone, off to find something more interesting to observe than Light sleeping. It was something he often did, but not always, and Light was glad this was one of those nights. Not that Ryuuk's presence would have stopped him – but he really didn't need the shinigami watching and potentially commenting. Nothing like a giant and hideous spectre leering and mouthing off to kill the mood.

Finished with his nighttime routine, Light returned to his room, turned off the lights and slipped beneath the covers. Though he hadn't asked Ryuuk about the specific nature of any of the cameras – and who knew if the shinigami would be able to tell the difference anyway? – there was no chance that at least _some_ of them weren't infrared. A man thorough enough to put _sixty-four_ goddamn cameras in his bedroom alone would make sure he could see what was going on regardless of the light level. There should be no difficulty for L to see _exactly_ what Light was doing tonight.

He let himself relax for a little while, give the impression that he was drifting off into sleep, only partially aware. When he thought it had been long enough, he began to fidget, moving restlessly among the sheets, twisting slowly back and forth, legs bending and straightening. Fretfully, he pushed the covers off of himself as though he were too hot (despite the fact that it was cold enough outside to lay snow). Little noises, moans and something like a whimper, left his parted lips as he began to let his hands roam over his body, neck, chest, abdomen but not quite down to the junction between his legs. Not yet.

One of his hands moved to the hem of his shirt, gripping the fabric and drawing it up, baring his chest to the cool air of the room, his nipples tightening. He moved his hand to one of the hard nubs, circling a finger around it then brushing lightly over, and Light gave a breathy moan. His other hand went to his mouth and one then two fingers slid inside, tongue swirling and lips just loosely closed to give mild suction. He moaned again around his fingers and arched his back as he worked the nipple between his fingers, pinching and rolling the sensitive flesh.

The now-moist fingers dropped out of his mouth and trailed down to the nipple Light had been neglecting and he began teasing that one, too, the wetness contacting the cool air to make it perk even more. He let himself enjoy the sensation even though that wasn't really what this was about. Still…. Nothing wrong with occasionally indulging in self-gratification as long as one didn't let it interfere with one's greater purpose. Like giving L a hell of a show.

Light's right hand glided down his abdomen and over his crotch and he began rubbing and teasing his strengthening erection through the thin fabric of his pajama bottoms. Legs bent up now, he squirmed and twisted, breath shallower and faster, to all appearances working himself into a frenzied and uncontrollable state. The other hand left his reddened and tender nipple and started pushing insistently at the waistband of his pants as though of its own accord. His other hand soon joined it and Light lifted his hips to slide the clothing down over his backside, freeing the arousal that had been tenting the bottoms. He left the fabric bunched down around his ankles so he would have the freedom to spread his legs a little.

Light didn't immediately grasp the stiffened flesh, instead swept his hand to the globes below it, cupping and fondling gently, letting one finger go lower still to stroke lightly along the perineum, just more teasing. A gasp escaped him as he writhed on the sheets and the thing that was really driving him now, far more than his own hands, was the thought that L was watching this all. That L _had_ to watch it.

That had him finally reaching for his swollen shaft and he gripped it, lightly at first, thumb running in tantalizing circles over his sensitive head. Light spread the slick fluid that was leaking from the tip down his length, squeezing it more firmly and slowly stroking himself. His other hand fisted the rumpled sheets beneath him as he straightened his legs and lay flat, not wanting to cut off any angle from L's view.

_L_. The thought spurred him again and Light's hand picked up pace. He didn't care if L was a man or a woman, didn't care if L was sixteen or sixty, didn't even really care if L was disgusted or aroused by his display – the point was control and right now that was in Light's hands. If L was going to put his damn cameras everywhere then Light would choose what he had to watch.

These thoughts started unraveling and flying apart as he pumped faster and faster, now caught up in the feel of rising tension leading him toward ecstasy. His eyes were clenched shut, head tilted back, lips parted and gasping, hips thrusting into his hand and Light abandoned himself to the rhythm and the vague mantra droning in the back of his mind, _L is watching _L_ is watching_….

Just as his climax overpowered him, Light's eyes fluttered open – and looked straight up into a macabre harlequin face.

"Ryu—!" Light cut the cry off, letting it descend into incoherence as his hips jerked of their own accord and he released himself in hot spurts. For a moment he lay with his eyes closed, riding out the lingering after-tremors as his body slowly relaxed, the warm stickiness on his stomach and hand cooling rather unpleasantly. Shivering a little, Light carefully opened his eyes once more … but Ryuuk was no longer hovering near him. Out of the corner of his eye, Light could see him at the opposite end of the room … upside down? Was he standing on his head?

_Whatever_, Light thought as a sudden wave of irritation swelled. _Goddamn shinigami!_ If he even said one word about this…. For the moment, at least, the fish-eyed creature was smart enough to keep his pointed trap shut as Light reached back for some tissues to clean himself off, wadding them afterwards and tossing them rather carelessly on the shelf behind his bed to dispose of properly in the morning. Quickly, he righted his pajamas and drew the covers back over himself, turning onto his side and nestling into the sheets. Well, his performance had still gone off almost perfectly and he allowed a small smile to cross his lips, his irritation fading.

_I only wish I could have seen your face, L. Someday…._

_.x.L.x._

L enjoyed watching Light Yagami. Or perhaps that would better be stated as he enjoyed watching Kira. Because, without a doubt, that was what he was doing. Anyone else would have told L it was far too soon to be drawing that kind of conclusion – particularly the man currently sitting alongside him staring intently at the small television screens – and especially without any kind of hard evidence, but it was just too perfect to be any other way. Son of a high-ranking detective in the NPA, by all accounts a brilliant child interested in entering the field of law, spoiled, arrogant and likely narcissistic, too, if his looks and impeccable appearance were anything to go by. Almost exactly the profile L had gradually been compiling in his mind. Now he just had a face to complete the picture.

And besides all that, Light _himself_ was just too perfect. So squeaky clean it couldn't be anything but suspicious. Like that ridiculous excuse for checking to see if anyone had been in his room. He'd hidden those magazines well – not even the man who'd installed the equipment had found them, though it had only been a cursory search. Still, was L meant to believe that Light was concerned about his mother or sister (it was doubtful he'd worry about his father) coming in and finding _those_? No, he was hiding something else, something that the man hadn't found and something that Light hadn't yet revealed.

And, unfortunately, was unlikely to reveal. All that that stupid front with the porno-mags told L was Light had probably figured out somehow that he was under surveillance. Well, maybe it wouldn't all be for naught. After all, mistakes were made. He would just have to wait and see if Light made any. In the mean time, he could use Yagami as an investigation tool.

"Light Yagami has shown interest in the Kira case, has he not?" L inquired while still gazing only at the movement on the grainy little screens.

"Well, yes," Yagami answered uneasily, pushing up his glasses. "He's helped on some cases before and this is just the sort of crime he'd want to solve."

"Have you ever discussed any of your investigation with your son, Yagami-san?" L asked, listening with diverted attention as Yagami spluttered an indignant negative. He had no problem believing the man was telling the truth given his commitment to obeying protocol and doing his job properly. That meant that Light was skilled enough to hack into his father's police files to gain the information he needed without leaving any traces of his actions. No surprise there, really, but still helpful to know.

"He must have a strong sense of justice," L remarked offhand.

Yagami stared at the dark-haired man for a moment. "You don't … do you suspect … my son?"

"I wouldn't have gone to these lengths if I didn't think any one of the members of the Yagami and Kitamura households could be a potential suspect, Yagami-san." The older man blanched at L's blunt statement. Good thing, then, that L hadn't told him what he was really thinking. Not that he could at this point anyway. Not without proof. Even being L wasn't quite enough to start making what, to all appearances, would be wild accusations.

"He's very studious," he offered instead, mostly to get Yagami's mind off his useless concerns. It seemed to have limited success.

"His entrance exams are in less than two weeks," the man stated cautiously as though afraid L would somehow latch onto that as a piece of evidence against his child.

"Which university?"

Again Yagami paused. "He's aiming for To-oh University."

_Don't worry, Yagami-san_, L thought, as he returned his attention to the boy on the screen, actually smiling a bit. _That doesn't tell me anything other than what I already concluded._

L had to admit, though, that he felt the tiniest bit of sympathy for Yagami later that night when they received the news of the executed criminals who'd been announced for the first time that evening. And he almost hated to burst the man's bubble – but he did anyway. False hope was pointless to entertain and he needed his investigators at least in the same volume if not necessarily on the same page as him.

And L had more important things to worry about than Yagami's personal concerns, namely _how_ Light had managed it while L was watching. There had been no indication of any kind, nothing amiss. The boy's face showed nothing but concentration during the entire study session. It was not a good sign. If L couldn't discover anything this way…. While he was well aware that some methods required trial-and-error, L still begrudged the waste of time and effort. And honestly, intriguing as it was to watch Light, it still became tedious.

Until the third night. It was late and Yagami, in the midst of sorting through the literal sea of paperwork and video tapes they had accumulated over the past few days, had finally succumbed to unconsciousness. L really couldn't fault him for it – there were very few who could keep up with his pace (Watari being one of them, fortunately) and Yagami had been performing admirably. Besides, there wasn't much to observe at the moment. The rest of the Yagami clan had retired to bed themselves and – the hell?

L leaned forward a bit, eyes fixed on one of the screens showing Light's bedroom. A moment ago the boy had been tucked under the sheets, to all appearances drifting off to sleep. Now though…. He was squirming and pushing the covers off and … ah. Well, then. L's lips curved around the thumb tucked between them. Interesting. He spared a glance over at the sofa to ascertain that Yagami was still asleep and then his eyes darted back to the display. The boy was fully into it now, touching himself and making all manner of provocative noises.

_Childish, Kira. _ Very_ childish_. Granted, Light _was_ a seventeen-year-old boy and thus undoubtedly susceptible to fits of hormonal outbursts but L was nearly positive that that wasn't what this was about. This was just another one of his games, another thing to throw L off.

And it was working, but probably not in the way Light had intended. To his considerable perturbation, L found himself becoming aroused by the exhibition. That was only natural, he tried to tell himself. It was difficult for one to be party to an erotic demonstration without responding at least a little. Unfortunately for L, one of the people he'd never really succeeded in lying to was himself and it didn't work this time either. The rather clinical excuse wasn't the reason, or at least not the _whole_ reason for the fire that was currently smoldering in L's groin and nudging an erection into existence. It was simply because this was Kira and at some point in the last three days, ever since he'd been able to put a face on the person he'd been pursuing relentlessly, his importance had changed for L. Or rather, his _significance_ had changed. L didn't just want to catch him merely to solve the case anymore. _He_ wanted to catch Kira, for himself.

The unsettling self-realizations were suddenly cut off as Light climaxed with a half-strangled cry of "Ryu—!" that had L's semi-formed erection jerking into full awareness and the man inhaled sharply. _What_ was _that_? He shot another look over at Yagami through his dark tresses. He'd believed the man when he said that he'd never discussed the case and he still did, but…. Had he mentioned who he was investigating with? That seemed unlikely, but if he hadn't, then how?... Of course, that was assuming the name Light had only partially allowed to cross his lips would have been his own.

L chewed in earnest on his thumb. This was a useless train of thought. It had nothing to do with the case, only with him and Kira and therefore not what he should be focusing on. He couldn't let Kira lead him astray again. And this was the promise he repeated to himself until his body agreed as well.

_.x.L.x._

The team wasn't happy about his conclusions but, while L wouldn't tell them yet about the vague plans forming in his head, he wasn't going to lie to them. (Okay, well, he would lie a little, throwing out that "five percent" once more.) He just needed the evidence and to get it … he might have to take the next step. Which was incredibly dangerous. He had to consider it carefully. And there was something he needed to know first.

"Yagami-san, you said you've never discussed the case with your family."

"That's right, Ryuuzaki," the frazzled man answered with just a touch of irritation underneath the respectful tone.

"Have you ever mentioned _who_ you are working with, more specifically any names?"

The irritation surged forth. "Of course not! Especially considering the nature of this case, I would never do that!"

"Yes, thank you, Yagami-san. I merely wanted to be certain." L received another one of those harangued looks but ignored it in favor of contemplating the new information. Another mystery, then.

_.x.L.x._

At this particular time, L didn't see the need to inform the investigation team of exactly what he was doing, mostly because he wasn't yet sure that this was the avenue he should pursue. Likely it would be what he ultimately chose, but … the matter required more thought. So on the morning of January 17th instead of mentioning what he had planned L merely stated that he had a matter to take care of that required his personal presence and he should return in a few hours. Yagami and Aizawa looked a little skeptical but said nothing, while Matsuda cheerfully offered aid in any way possible for anything that might conceivably need doing. L, largely ignoring Matsuda, instructed the team to continue researching in his absence.

He'd had Watari prepare all the necessary paperwork beforehand and merely confirmed it during the car ride to the exam site – particularly the name, Hideki Ryuuga, which just-so-happened to be that of the current most popular male performer in Japan. One couldn't travel a single block without seeing his face on a billboard, hearing his voice lilting out the door of a shop, listening to teen-aged girls giggling and "Kyaa!"ing all over his image. Well, without a doubt no one would be kyaa-ing over _him_, L thought irrelevantly, name notwithstanding.

Watari brought L to their destination on time – that was to say, fifteen minutes early. L didn't really mind even though he assumed he would spend much of the extra time in ineffectual boredom. However, it would give him the chance to observe whatever might be worthy of observation (favorably, he'd been assigned to a seat toward the back of the room). Besides, he had some paper in his pocket. If nothing else, he could practice his origami while he waited.

It _was_ mostly boring as Light Yagami did not arrive until about six minutes before the final deadline. L watched him quietly as he picked up his materials and took his seat which happened to be directly in line with L's, three rows front. Not that Light noticed L, of course. There was nothing _to_ notice. Even with his off-beat looks, when L conformed to societal norms – as he did now, sitting properly in his chair, shoes still on his feet, hands hidden in his lap playing idly with his paper – he could be as unobtrusive as he wished.

So L was able to concentrate his entire attention on Light as he walked up the aisle without attracting any of his own. And he had to admit that a wavering black-and-white image on a ten-inch screen was nothing compared to reality. Like having a Tastykake instead of a nice piece of strawberries-and-cream cake with buttercream icing. Not terribly satisfying.

Light was quite the specimen. Composed, neat, exuding a quiet confidence, he was enough to draw the gazes of a number of other students even preoccupied as they were with nervous tension. His looks certainly didn't hurt him either. But none of that was what interested L. What caught his attention was the mask the boy was wearing. It was so clear, so obvious when presented with the real object that L found himself thoroughly beguiled by it, only realizing his focus had been so completely fixed when Light took his seat and thus cut off the source of L's captivation.

L came back to himself with a bit of consternation. It wasn't like him to become so focused on a person, even a suspect. There was always a very clear sense of detachment. And now this added to that incident a week ago…. Maybe it was because he was here himself which so very rarely ever happened. His fingers fiddled agitatedly as he considered this and felt a stiff object rolling around between them. Abruptly aware now that there was something other than a flat piece of paper in his hands, he looked down and allowed the tiniest of smiles to twist his lips when he saw what he'd absent-mindedly folded the sheet into. Interesting. Perhaps he could leave Kira a little gift today.

_Breeeeee!_ "Begin." In the general scramble to pick up pencils and open the test booklet there were two notable anomalies, one being L himself. The other, of course, was Mr. Cool and Confident who had opened his booklet but hadn't bothered to pick up his pencil – was in fact sitting with his chin on his hand. Well, if the poor boy needed something more entertaining to put his mind on then L would just have to provide it for him.

L opened his test, picked up the pencil in that ridiculous three-fingered grasp and then assumed his crouched sitting position. And since there wasn't enough room on the chair, that involved placing his bare feet on the desk in front of him. That should do it … ah, yes, here he came now. The proctor stopped just before L, admonishing him to sit properly. For the moment L ignored the man, waiting…. And Light turned and for the first time those hazel eyes met L's directly and he stared, unblinking.

Those eyes … Light could wear his mask however he wished but eyes were the hardest thing to disguise and there was so much swirling in those amber depths and L could see Kira under it all. It was electrifying, entrancing, and the spell only lost its hold when Light abruptly turned back to his exam, finally picking up his pencil and setting to work. L's gaze lingered a moment longer and then he dropped it to his own booklet, placing his feet back on the floor to shut up the increasingly uncomfortable man beside him. The proctor gave a little sigh of relief and delivered one more warning to L to maintain a proper position. L ignored him, which seemed to fluster the man even further, but with a last hard look (ruined by the anxious adjustment of his glasses) he meandered back to his place at the front of the room.

Bored once again now that Light's attention was completely absorbed and unlikely to be attracted again, L resigned himself to finishing the exam as quickly as possible. It was a thoroughly ridiculous exercise for him, especially given that he was a good six years older than anyone in the room. Although, even six years ago the exam would have largely been a pathetic way to pass the time. He was prideful enough to take care not to make any stupid mistakes but other than that he simply finished it in short order, well before anyone else.

As he stood to turn in the booklet, he fingered the folded paper in his pocket. It would be too obvious to simply drop it on Light's desk or even at his feet. Well, really, he didn't need to do anything with it at _all_, but … Light had started it and L did enjoy playing games. So he handed over the exam and left, constructing a little box with two more sheets as he walked down the hall. Once he was finished, he put the original piece inside and shut it.

L called Watari as he stepped outside to let him know that he was ready to be picked up. The man had remained close to the area so L was made to wait only for a minute or two, idly fiddling with the box as he did, trying to decide what he wanted to do with it. The appearance of the black limousine forced him to pick a choice and he left it on the ground by the doors, conspicuous but not obvious. If Light picked it up, he did. If not, oh well. It hardly mattered. It was just for fun anyway.

_.x.L.x._

Ryuuk was waiting just outside the school entrance where Light had told him to stay, perched in a tree. The teen hadn't _exactly_ been concerned about the effect of the shinigami's presence during his examination, but better to err on the side of caution. And besides, it gave him a break from the creature's chattering (and God knew he would have just been bitching about how bored he was with all of it anyway).

"All done?" the death god asked as he hopped down from the branches.

Light stifled a roll of his eyes and answered quietly, not looking at Ryuuk, "It wasn't that difficult. I did plenty of preparation for it."

The shinigami snickered. "Always so smart. Oh, by the way, I think that's for you." He gestured with a long pointed finger at an object near the doors. Raising a brow, Light stooped and picked it up – it was a paper box. He turned it over looking for any marks or writing but there was none to be found. A little disturbed now, Light hesitated for a moment and then opened the box. Inside was another paper design, this one folded into … a crow? Pulling it out of the box, Light held it up and examined each side, but again, there were no marks.

"Ku ku ku." Ryuuk was chortling, an eerie noise that sent chills up Light's spine and raised the hair on the nape of his neck. "Interesting. Aren't those supposed to be symbols of doom or something?" Light tensed in anger but let nothing show on his face – there didn't seem to be anyone around but that didn't mean no one was watching. Casually, as though he was just glancing around, appreciating his surroundings, the teen scanned the area but saw nothing at all. They were alone.

So where the hell had this come from? And why did Ryuuk say it was for him specifically? He could've asked the sniggering shinigami but knew that it would be pointless – if Ryuuk didn't feel like telling him then he wasn't going to. As the death god did so like to remind Light, he wasn't on the teen's side in this. So instead of bothering with a fruitless question-and-no-answer session, Light crammed the origami into his pocket and got the hell out of there.

_.x.L.x._

Four days later L still found himself dwelling at odd moments on Light Yagami. And not just about the likelihood of his being Kira (which he was fairly positive of anyway) or pondering his method of massacre. Not to say that L _didn't_ do those things but he seemed to be spending just as much time simply _thinking_ about the boy in no exact terms. As though having finally seen Light had created in L some kind of adolescent-esque propensity for daydreaming. His remembrances of the masturbatory episode weren't helping anything either – actually, now that L had seen the real thing, some of the fuzzier details had smoothed themselves out. All in all, it was beginning to drive L to distraction, particularly the fact that he was distracted at all. The rest of the investigation team hadn't seemed to notice anything, but he hadn't really expected that they would. Despite his irritating thoughts he was still dutifully scouring information.

Right now it was a new list of executed criminals. Kira had started branching out again – the majority of these were Americans although he never neglected his homeland, L thought wryly as he came across a clump of Japanese names. And then L was suddenly blindsided. His eyes halted their scan about a third of the way down the list, stuck on one specific name. Apparently some expression had stolen across his face as well because Yagami asked, concern evident in his voice, "Is everything alright, Ryuuzaki?"

"My tart has gone tart," L answered absently.

The remark had the man floundering for a moment before he offered, "Would you, ah, like another…?"

"Thank you, no, Yagami-san," L responded, finishing off the rest of the perfectly fresh pastry. He pulled up the file of the police photo, the one that they took when the inmates were brought in, and stared at the face that was displayed. The face that, even distorted by the most grotesque funhouse mirror, would never have resembled L's own. Not the eyes either. There were others who shared those dead eyes with L, but not _him_. He never had.

This was not productive. L realized that his mind had become fixed on this one execution and he needed to step back for a little. Closing the file, he rose with an awkward grace saying, "Please excuse me for a moment" and shuffled off to the bathroom with his hands in his pockets.

After closing the door, he pulled one of the fluffy unused hotel towels off the rack and moved to the center of the room. The towel was folded in half once and placed on the floor. Then L kneeled by it, facing away from the door, clasped his hands lightly together and laid them on the towel followed by his head, cradled between his palms. His upper body was raised into a vertical position followed by his legs, slowly lifted from the floor until he made a straight line, fully assuming Salamba Sirsasana. Eyes closed and breathing calm and controlled, L let his mind go.

B was dead. More specifically, B had been murdered. By Kira. If nothing else the incident proved that Kira's ideals were flawed. Not that that had been much of a question anyway. But B cemented that fact like nothing else. He was not a career criminal, not typical in any way. And the reason for his crimes was solely because of L. Not that that excused him but extinguishing B did nothing to improve the world. B had been L's problem and L had taken care of him. Kira should not have been involved in any way. And that he now was made L feel….

Nothing. Kira executed B and L felt nothing. Shouldn't he have been angry? Not, of course, that he was prone to violent sways of emotions nor would he ever encourage such a thing, but he _did_ still _feel_. Why not this then? Was it because he'd never really had anything to do with B? After all, it hadn't even been L's idea – the entire thing had been designed and arranged by Watari. L had approved because he thought it was a _sound_ idea, but other than that had dissociated himself from it completely. As far as Wammy's House was concerned L was not a person, he was an ideal (which had perhaps led to the problems in the first place, but hindsight and all that).

B and Kira. Kira and B. And L. The anonyms tumbled around the man's inverted head until all that was left was Kira and L. God. What was _wrong_ with him? What the hell had he let Kira do to him? If he was going to take his investigation to the next level he had damn well better figure that out and do something to rectify it. L couldn't lose to this boy. He'd taken down his own clone – he would take down Light Yagami, too.

L carefully collapsed from his pose and climbed softly back to his feet. He shook out and replaced the towel, flushed the unused toilet, washed his hands and rejoined the rest of the team.

* * *

AN: Of course L can do origami mid-air without looking or even really paying attention. Uh-huh. Sure. :)

Next chapter, "Eru desu." But first, road trip?

31 Jul '08


	3. Sing For Absolution

AN: This has nothing to do with anything but it's weird and I wanted to share: A while ago when I got whichever DVD it was, I had to get the one with the L figurine because that was all they had and I was tired of waiting. (I really don't care about the things, but since it was L, I took it.) The weird thing is that the box L came in smells exactly like someone spilled rose oil in it.

I did my best to look up how Japan entrance exams, ceremonies, etc. work but frankly what I came up with was spotty at best. So I basically made crap up. Gomen. And don't judge too harshly. ;)

I love how Winchester gets a shout out on Wikipedia as being the location of Wammy's House. That's awesome. Aaaaand I finally realized I've been spelling "Wammy's" wrong. Which is just..._excellent_. -smacking forehead-

* * *

Sing For Absolution

_Our wrongs__  
Remain unrectified  
__And our souls  
Won't be exhumed_

_.x.L.x._

One of the houses L owned had a rather extensive garden. Honestly, he couldn't even remember which house it was, just that it was in a temperate climate – he'd never been entirely convinced of the security of the location and so used it infrequently. He recalled that it was set in a rural area, no other dwellings within acres, leaving plenty of room for all the trees and shrubs and flowers. There were probably statues and fountains and things, too, but he'd never paid it any attention. What did he care about landscaping? Only as far as it provided or subverted cover. He didn't remember _why_ he'd bought the house in the first place, either. It must have been more convenient to whatever he'd been working on at the time because usually L preferred to be in the midst of a city. There was no better place to hide than in a sea of millions of other bodies, no better anonymity. And L had never been one to commune with nature anyway.

However, at this house were a few bushes that had caught L's attention. They grew just next to the window of the study where he generally spent most of his time working. It was an unusual choice for him as he typically preferred to be in an upper storey and this room happened to be on the ground floor. But he liked the layout of the room and the fact that it only had one window suited his tastes perfectly. Maybe the bushes had had something to do with it as well.

L hadn't noticed them at all until he'd been there during one occasion sometime in the summer, July perhaps. The window had been open and a warm breeze arose, carrying a scent into the room. And L had been instantly intoxicated. He found himself drawn to the opening to examine the source more closely. One of the bushes had grown so large that it was half-covering the window and a few branches actually extended just inside when the casement was open as it had been then.

The fragrance was emanating from the long clusters of purple flowers that tipped each branch. It was almost overpowering this close. There were several butterflies of various kinds as well as other insects flitting around the tiny tubular blossoms, none of which were disturbed by L's presence, even as he reached out to gently grasp a cluster. Soft, an oddly silky feel. He stroked his thumb along the blossoms and realized they were damp – there must have been a rain recently. But he didn't care that his hand was getting wet, just stood there touching the flowers and breathing in their perfume.

L came back to himself in stages, removing his hand and giving the plant a suspicious look as though it had ensnared him of its own volition. Well, perhaps some landscaping person had accidentally put in something that resided in one of the families of flora that produced narcotics and some of its effect was derived through the aroma it gave off. Sure. Why not. Curious now to know what exactly it was, L went back to his laptop and searched for anything matching its description. (He could have just asked Watari who would have surely known every little detail about the residence, down to which quarry the stone of the outer walls had been taken from; but, though L was certainly inclined toward asking questions which were utterly random and Watari was used to such non sequiturs, the detective didn't feel like revealing that he'd been bothered by a bush.)

_Buddleja davidii_ (or _Buddleia davidii_ as there seemed to be some kind of dispute in nomenclature). Butterfly bush. "Addictive" only to members of the Lepidoptera order, some bees, moths and, in the right areas, hummingbirds. No logical or scientific reason for the intoxication of human senses. Apparently L simply had a completely unexplainable and heretofore unheard of fixation on a plant. Which was quite the surprise and rather unsettling as well.

And being aware of his sudden fascination did nothing to lessen its power as he'd half-hoped it might. L had always assumed that given how tenacious he was such a thing could one day cross the boundary into something approaching obsession. He'd just _never_ in his wildest imaginings thought that the first object he would become fixed on in such a way would be a bush. A _butterfly_ bush.

L could, of course, through willpower stay away from the window and the alluring blossoms, but the scent still invaded his senses and set his mind drifting off to places that were extremely unproductive. His work could not suffer that kind of disruption. He wasn't about to change rooms nor – though he briefly considered it – have the bushes torn out. In the end, he resolved the issue by the simple and expedient method of closing and never again opening the window.

The incident was only important as it gave L his first taste of the obsessive side of his own nature. It was, unfortunately, not the last and not the worst fixation that ever took hold of him. And, obviously, in no way dangerous. Unlike now.

Light Yagami was a butterfly bush and L didn't know how to shut the window. Worse, he didn't even really want to. That Light was his primary suspect and thus demanding of L's attention didn't matter – it wasn't as though "shutting the window" took with it all awareness of the object on the other side, just severed its hold on L. If he could have made that separation he would have been able to focus on Light _only_ as a suspect, maintaining the objectivity and detachment he was so used to.

And it wasn't even necessarily Light Yagami himself. L surmised that, had he come across Light under any other circumstances, such as working on a case _together_, he would have found the boy incredibly useful and probably stimulating in an intellectual sense – and then promptly gone on to forget about him entirely when the case was resolved. That was just how L was.

It was the Kira aspect and Light Yagami as its vessel that had L so interested in the boy. Kira had captivated both L's intellectual and competitive side through his game-playing and the man found himself dwelling on it even when not in its presence. There had been nothing special or diverting in the last few weeks of killings (which also meant nothing that could be latched onto as a stronger piece of evidence) and L hadn't seen Light in any form but briefly since their short-lived staring match at the exams. That had been at the To-oh exams during which L made no effort to draw any particular attention to himself. There had been time and there had been distance and yet L couldn't give up his fixation. Something else was required.

_.x.L.x._

It was probably a completely idiotic move. There was absolutely no call for him to be going anywhere right now and several valid reasons why he should stay put. Like the fact that he was in the middle of an investigation. That, however, was the least of L's concerns. What was bothering him more was the reason he was going at all and his choice of location. _Especially_ the choice of location. He'd half-wondered if Watari would say anything about it but as usual the man kept silent, merely made all the arrangements. (At times L took to debating whether Watari simply trusted L's methods regardless of what they were or if he was just of the opinion that it was best to give genius what it wanted and then get out of the way. Probably both. And L was of the opinion that Watari's conclusions were correct – it worked out most favorably for L that way.)

L told the investigation team that another case he'd been working on required a wrap-up from him that would probably take a day or two. It was vaguely amusing to see that, though they generally didn't seem to care for his presence, the threat of removing it had them in a tizzy. They were somewhat placated by his announcement that Watari would be remaining at their disposal for whatever they might need during the short period of his absence. Business as usual was his only instruction to them before he left empty-handed, his single carry-on already in the car that drove him to the airport.

_.x.L.x._

L appreciated his decreased need for sleep for a number of reasons and one of them was that jet-lag seemed to have very little effect on him. Actually, it amused him that, due to the time difference, the twelve hour flight had only cost him three hours (according to the clock anyway). He hadn't spent the twelve hours in a particularly productive manner although he had tried to form some new connections in the Kira case, put pieces together without any of the normal distractions surrounding him. Unfortunately it was a futile exercise as there simply wasn't enough hard evidence, just instinct leading him on.

He took a cab from the airport to a station where he boarded a train bound for Winchester. The hour or so ride was occupied by merely gazing out the window, not necessarily thinking of anything or paying attention to the scenery, which was, in itself, actually quite nice. When he disembarked, L decided to forgo any further vehicular travel and walked to his destination, hands in his pockets and carry-on slung over his shoulder, not bothering with eccentricities other than his natural slouch.

The building he finally approached was nearly unfamiliar to him. Not that it had changed in any significant way over the years – he just felt little to no connection to it. Whether that was because it had been so many years (over a decade) and he'd spent so little time there, or because it just generally wasn't in L to form those bonds…. Well, he'd been wondering how he would react and now that question was answered.

L went directly to Roger's office, passing several children along the way but not paying any special attention. In turn, he received a few curious looks but nothing more than passing glances as they went about their business, whatever that might be. Roger was not in his office which didn't really surprise L – from what he understood the man's job was fairly demanding and L didn't envy him it (not that anyone would have ever offered such a position to L in the first place). He set his carry-on down and wandered over to one of the bookcases, picking a volume at random, flipping it open to no particular page and reading until the man returned.

"L," he greeted a little breathlessly.

"Luke," L corrected absently, still absorbed in the book. He muttered, "Pawn to Queen's six?" and then closed and replaced the novel, directing his attention to the short, worn-looking man who was fiddling unconsciously with a lighter that had no doubt been confiscated from someone. L hoped there hadn't been any more fires set. Clean-up was rather time consuming.

The man nodded in lieu of an apology. "Watari informed me you would be coming – I have a room set aside if you decide to stay. He didn't mention, though, the reason for your visit…?"

"Just feeling a little nostalgic," L answered with a small quirk of the lips, hands back in his pockets, bare toes twiddling on the hardwood floor. (He'd slipped out of his shoes … somewhere. Probably in the foyer. He'd find them later. And if not, oh well.)

"I see." Roger wasn't nearly as unflappable as Watari but he still didn't ask unnecessary questions. "If there's anything you should need, I will be here to take care of it."

"Yes, thank you. I think for now I'll simply take a tour of the house. It's been a while."

The older man nodded. "As you wish."

Despite what he'd told Roger and despite what he'd even told himself, there was actually a purpose to L's visit, stemming from the incident with B. While this whole establishment really was entirely of Watari's design and responsibility, L wondered if perhaps he hadn't made a mistake by never taking a small part in it himself. Put a "human face" on what these children were trying to achieve. Of course, he could just as easily be making a tremendous mistake _now_ by coming here, but he'd never find out if he didn't try. Not that that necessarily meant he'd be returning if the experiment proved successful. Still….

He wandered through the house rather aimlessly, no precise destination or even person in mind. L assumed he would eventually come across what he didn't know he was looking for. And so he did in a room on the ground floor. It seemed to be a small library – there were bookcases lining much of the walls and a desk with an idle computer humming softly. Quite a number of books were scattered all over the floor, some in precarious stacks, some tossed haphazardly and lying open in ways that were surely doing their spines no good.

The room's only occupant was sitting on the floor near the window, one leg up and supporting an elbow as the boy intently engaged in some activity that L couldn't quite make out from his current vantage. He couldn't see the boy's face from this angle either, especially due to the nearly shoulder-length platinum-blond hair covering the better part of his profile. Even so, L recognized him.

He stepped quietly in the room and approached the bent figure from the side. His presence drew no heed from the boy although L knew the blond was aware of him, and L put a thumb to his mouth, amused at being deliberately ignored. Now he could see what the boy was doing, too. He had a hold of a rather large and sharp-looking knife and he was using it to whittle a nondescript piece of wood into what appeared to be a cross.

Rather than the question most responsible adults probably would have asked (such as, "Where did you get that knife?"), L inquired curiously, "Do you believe in God?"

The boy kept his attention on his task as he answered shortly, "No." There was a pause and then, softly, "But I do believe in heaven."

L tilted his head in interest. "Heaven?"

The boy scowled. "Not like the fluffy clouds and robes and angels. Or the 'perfect' Earth, a land of 'milk and honey' and whatever else."

"Nirvana then?"

"Not really. Just…." The blond stopped for a moment, quiet as though he was gathering his thoughts and L didn't break the silence. "Maybe just … nothing."

"Nothing?"

He nodded brusquely but firmly. "Non-existence. No more anything. No joys or sorrows, pleasure or pain, expectations, disappointments, no thoughts, no feelings, just nothing." He paused again, the knife halted as well. "That would be my Heaven."

There was no reason for it, the question just came out. "Why?"

The blond drooped, face falling forward and hair curtaining and hiding his face. "Because I'm tired. Sometimes I'm just so tired of living. I don't ever want to have to do it again, in any form, anywhere."

He was fourteen, L recalled from his file. Just fourteen.

"That doesn't mean I want to die," he suddenly continued in a defiant voice, lifting his head again. "Just that, when it's over I want it to be _over_."

"I understand." And L did. Not that he shared the same views, or any views at all, really. It wasn't something he spent time contemplating. But he understood.

The blond shrugged as though he didn't care one way or the other, continuing to shape the wood with practiced strokes. L didn't question any further, instead took a look around the room. Although it was surely a communal area, it seemed as if the boy had probably created a niche here, surrounded by the books and shelves. Then his eyes fell on more pieces of wood that had been strewn around the boy, these much less nondescript than the one he was working on. Actually, they were downright familiar. L bent down and picked one up; it was a violin peg. The action caught the boy's attention and he tensed ever-so-slightly.

"Did you do this?"

"I wanted to see how it was put together," the blond answered defensively.

A tiny smile crossed L's lips. "And?"

The boy exhaled sharply. "It's surprisingly complicated."

That actually induced a laugh from the man. The noise seemed to startle the blond and he finally looked up at the person he'd been conversing with, dark eyes wide. Those eyes. They could have been plucked out of L's own head. The same determination, the same utter disregard. Perhaps a bit more wild.

The eyes narrowed as the blond continued to stare. "Who are you?"

L rubbed a foot on his pants leg. "Who do _you_ think I am?"

The eyes traveled up and down his form again, taking in everything from the messy black hair to the shoeless feet. It was interesting to see the thoughts behind the obsidian orbs as the boy considered possibilities, dismissed and then accepted a conclusion.

"Why are you here? Aren't you working on the Kira case?" he finally asked, and L was silently pleased at his discretion in not voicing his identity.

"Yes," he spoke in answer to the second question, not bothering with the first. "You call yourself Mello." It wasn't exactly a query but expected a response.

"Yeah." A little smile twisted his lips. "You should remember that name." Cocky. Which didn't really bother L but what did was the tiniest hint of desperation in Mello's dark eyes. That was the sort of thing that was prelude to situations like that with B. Maybe there was a purpose for L to be here after all, then. If he could suppress the urge before it took hold….

And so L told Mello about Beyond Birthday, everything he knew for certain and everything he'd been able to question out of B, even though it didn't all make sense. He told him a couple of other stories, too, because Mello wanted to listen and, for once in his life, L wanted to talk. And whether he did any good or not, only time would tell. The entire time the boy continued his whittling but it was obvious that he was listening raptly. In the end Mello was left with a simple but well-formed wooden cross and L was left with a sense of something very akin to fulfillment.

There was no drawn out farewell between the two – in fact, L simply left, fingering the peg in his pocket while Mello began working a hole into the cross so that it could be worn as a pendant. L spent a bit more time walking the halls of Wammy's House, stopping once in a doorway. On the other side was the other one with his eyes, seated on the floor as Mello had been, meticulously lining up dozens of domino tiles. The boy glanced over, met L's eyes for a solid moment and then turned back to his project. Neither spoke and L walked away with another smile. He seemed to be doing that quite a lot since coming here.

And that was that, L realized. He was done here and done running away – because as much as he was loathe to admit it, that's what he'd been doing. But this problem, this _fixation_ couldn't be ignored any longer and clearly couldn't be suppressed either. He was just going to have to deal with it and finish this case before things got out of control. And he could always figure out what to do with Kira _after_ he'd been caught. Whether it was legal or not.

Enough of this nonsense, then. He knew what had to be done.

_.x.L.x._

(L never _did_ find his shoes. Some child probably absconded with them. Roger ended up having to have a new pair purchased for him.)

_.x.L.x._

Given as there were only about two hours until the next stage of L's plan was to take place, he really couldn't put off discussing it with the rest of the task force any longer.

"I have decided to pursue another method of investigation," he announced without preamble. "This may be particularly difficult for you, Yagami-san, as it concerns your son."

The older man blanched. "My son?"

L nodded, the bulk of his concentration seemingly on the sugar cubes he was systematically grinding up with his fingernails and sprinkling into his tea cup. "I believe that, given what evidence we have been able to collect, your son, Light Yagami, is the strongest suspect as Kira. As such, I have taken steps to become enrolled in To-oh University as his classmate in order to observe him more closely." Yagami seemed entirely incapable of speech after L's declaration but it didn't matter as Aizawa was vocal enough for the both of them.

"Ryuuzaki! What evidence are you talking about? You said yourself that there was no suspicious activity from anyone in those households! How can you accuse the Superintendent's own son?"

"I do not do so idly, Aizawa-san," L answered calmly. Aizawa opened his mouth again but was cut off by Yagami.

"Ryuuzaki." The man sounded a bit winded and L assumed he was still coming to terms with his shock. "Are you absolutely certain this is our best option?"

L crumbled his sugar in silence for a moment before answering. "No. But it can't be ruled out. And if I were to form a connection with Light Yagami and take note of his actions either his guilt or innocence could be established much more quickly." The addition of the word "innocence" should help to pull the man into L's corner.

"To what extent do you suspect my son?"

_Nearly one hundred percent_. "Less than two percent." It was difficult to tell if Yagami was relieved by the low number or irritated by it. Aizawa was clearly the latter while Matsuda watched the scene with worry, undoubtedly eager to jump in with some soothing and pointless words.

"Until it is zero, then, do what you must," Yagami grated out.

"I will, Yagami-san." This was part of the reason L hadn't mentioned his intentions any earlier – Yagami was quite visibly distressed and, though L couldn't be sure whether he would have even seen his children on his rare trips home, L didn't want Light to have any kind of forewarning about what was coming.

An uncomfortable silence descended and was not broken until L left.

_.x.L.x._

L had hoped that Light might trip on the stairs and fall flat on his face – a completely immature wish to be sure, but then L had never claimed to be anything else. The boy _had_ seemed to falter for a moment but, being who he was, quickly recovered and instead turned to shake L's hand and give some generic and false claims of admiration. And L _really_ shouldn't have felt the jolt he did from the physical contact with this specific person and so blithely ignored it. Treacherous body.

Other than the momentary lapse, Light was the absolute picture of a proper student and model citizen, letting nothing but respectful attention show on his face. L didn't look at him but was nevertheless intensely aware of the boy as he sat beside him, arms crossed and resting on his knees. He could practically _hear_ Light's mind working, looking for veracity of L's claim and the consequences either way. The stress L was causing was absolutely delightful. And he couldn't resist a parting shot.

"I'll be seeing you on campus, then." _As in, your time of ease is over. Until I win, you will never again have a peaceful moment._

_.x.L.x._

L lost no time in what would have to be termed as his stalking of Light Yagami, which seemed to further strain Soichiro Yagami. If possible, the man looked even worse than he had the day before, distinctly unkempt. Of course L couldn't really understand his mental dilemma but the important thing was that he was still performing his duty and letting L do his. Today that meant laying the foundation for a public connection with Light.

Like most of the other students, Light was spending the day on campus registering for classes, possibly looking at clubs or job opportunities. Technically, that's probably what L should have been doing as well, but it was doubtful that he'd bother with classes at all. Only if necessary. After all, why should he sit through a lecture that he could probably teach himself?

L found Light relatively quickly and proceeded to make a nuisance of himself, mostly just by his mere presence. It was all the more enjoyable as Light _had_ to feign interest in "becoming friends" with L in order to clear the suspicion on him. Although that didn't mean the boy was going to be all sugar and spice about it.

"Why were you staring at me during the exams?" Light demanded to know as they walked through the expansive campus, supposedly on the way to a cafeteria.

"That was just a coincidence, Yagami-kun," L stated with perfect innocence. "You were seated directly in my line of sight and when you turned our eyes just happened to meet."

"You weren't blinking!" the boy insisted.

"I wasn't _not_ blinking, Yagami-kun. I do so as often as my eyes require."

Light raised a brow. "Then you could give a cat a run for its money."

"Doubtful, Yagami-kun, as I lack a third eyelid."

The boy was exasperated, L could tell, but all he showed on his face was a sort of wry smile. "That was a joke, Ryuuga."

"Ah." Sad to say, L actually _had_ found it a little funny but he was amused by his own response more. Honestly, though, he was enjoying this contact with Light, with Kira. At times it was difficult to remember that there was a case to solve – even though that was the only reason for this proximity – or even a world to consider, so wrapped up was L in their silent game. Of course he realized this was a dangerous mindset to have but he'd come to the decision that such focus would only drive him on to a conclusion of the case and as such he should let it go. For the first time L would be flying largely on instinct and the sensation was exhilarating.

"I'm enjoying our time together, Yagami-kun." Well, well, a truth. Imagine that. "We should plan to meet again."

The boy nodded with a smile. "I agree, Ryuuga. It's nice speaking to someone of your intelligence. I don't often get to."

"Perhaps tomorrow, then? We could find something to do if you're available." _And of course you will be because you'd never pass up an opportunity to see what you can find out from me_.

"Sure. What did you have in mind?"

_I don't suppose you'd appreciate being strapped to a chair and having a confession forced out of you through any means necessary_. "Something physically challenging, I think. I rather enjoy tennis. Would that be acceptable?" He'd learned weeks ago, when he did an in-depth investigation into all things Light, that the boy had at one time excelled at the sport before simply giving it up. Rather after L's own tendencies, that.

Light gave a smile that bordered on being a smirk. "Yeah, that'd be fine. Is it okay, though, for you to be taking time off like that?"

_As if I were on vacation_. "Yes, Yagami-kun, it's fine. I don't need to be at headquarters every moment for the investigation to move forward."

"Well, that's good." The boy smiled but his eyes flashed briefly with irritation. It was something L often caught and obviously he himself was generally the cause. Oddly, though, at times it happened during _pauses_ in conversation. Maybe Light's own internal monologue was vexing him. That would be entertaining if so. It would be gratifying to know that he was driving Kira as much to distraction as Kira was driving L.

"Do you suppose they have any kind of cake at the cafeteria, Yagami-kun?" the man asked, thumb delicately nibbled in thought.

Light gave a pleasant-sounding laugh. "I don't know, Ryuuga. But don't you think it's a bit early for that kind of thing?"

"It is _never_ too early for cake, Yagami-kun," L answered in a tone of absolute seriousness. Although, frankly, he wasn't quite in the mood at the moment. Some fruit would be preferable – like a banana maybe.

"If you say so," Light was replying, giving the man a dubious look.

"It's a fact, one that I've put much research into. Cake is very important to higher thinking." _I don't even know _what_ I'm saying anymore_.

Light chuckled and L realized he'd been trying to induce the noise, almost smiling himself. "I'll have to take your word for it. I don't care much for bakery items."

"More for me then, Yagami-kun." Any reply Light might have made was cut off by the ring of L's cell phone. He answered it, holding the phone in a thoroughly ridiculous manner as though it would attack him at any moment. The conversation was short and L disconnected with a prod of one long finger, placing the phone back into his pocket.

"My apologies, Yagami-kun. I'm needed back at headquarters." Not really. It had just been Watari, saying that he was waiting with the car whenever L was finished.

"I understand. I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

L nodded. "Around eleven, if that's alright."

"That's fine. I'll see you then." And Light walked away, posture casually perfect, L deriving _far_ too much enjoyment in watching him. Cocky brat.

_.x.L.x._

Even though he'd lost – which was annoying – L had still greatly enjoyed the tennis match. It had been something like a physical representation of their mental battle and L had reveled in the opportunity for active movement which he'd been denied for the last three months. (He especially lamented the loss of his precious capoeira.) And of course he'd taken another shot at Light with the declaration that Light was currently under suspicion of being Kira, although only _one_ percent, tacking on a bit of drivel about wishing to find Light entirely innocent and using him to aid in the investigation.

The boy laughed it off, a lamer response than what L had been hoping for. Ah, well. Not everything he uttered could be a gem. And at least he'd suggested that they go somewhere else to talk after they ditched their equipment and L changed into more appropriate footwear, that was, without socks or properly tied and worn shoes.

The verbal battle at the café was just as wonderful as the physical one on the tennis court. Light made few mistakes, but still, mistakes they were and L catalogued and filed each one away for future dissection. But the boy's thought processes were so closely aligned to his own that L found himself drawn into the conversation on a level other than mere investigation. He would have loved sit there and continue the interview and simply indulge in Light's presence, but they were interrupted by the completely unforeseen blow of Soichiro Yagami's collapse.

They were both silent on the car ride over and L was too absorbed in his own thoughts to try and read Light's. Once they arrived at the hospital, L was honestly relieved to find that it likely hadn't been an attack by Kira – (_would_ Light kill his own father?) – while at the same time not entirely surprised. After all, no one yet had survived Kira's wrath.

He sat, rather patiently he thought, through the familial mush fest, although keeping silent would probably have been of greater relief to the Yagamis. But there was no sense in him beginning to act in a socially proper manner now. And his wish for Yagami to recover completely before resuming work was genuine – even if it was mostly because L wanted his investigators at their peak.

L was sorry to leave as he realized that it would probably be some time until he could reasonably expect to see Light again. And now that he'd made a connection with him, he wanted to strengthen it, keep Light around him as often as possible. Sighing, L ran a hand through his thick hair and looked out the window. Patience. Things were moving forward. And he still had time.

* * *

AN: I never much cared about Mello but I've been growing an appreciation for him. A little unhinged, sure, but you're okay, dude. :)

I don't recall Near ever playing with dominos which seems odd. My favorite thing of his, I think, were the motorized ducks. They were just too cute.

And I have to say, even if it ultimately led to bad things, the way L revealed himself to Light was, like, the best offensively defensive move ever. Go L!

So next time, introducing the lovely Miss Misa Amane! -pthhhhhhhh!- :)

4 Aug '08


	4. Starlight

AN: This chapter. Oh, this freaking chapter. I so did not want to deal with that blonde twit any more than L did, but alas. All I can say is, please bear with me. -bent in supplication-

* * *

Starlight

_The starlight  
I will be chasing your starlight  
Until the end of my life  
I don't know if it's worth it anymore_

_I'll never let you go  
If you promise not to fade away, never fade away_

_.x.L.x._

L was _royally fucking pissed off_. He'd bitten the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming in rage and could taste the hot copper on the back of his tongue. His hands were gripping his ankles so hard that, skin as fair as his, he would probably have bruises in the morning. And the only thing he could do, the _only_ thing, was keep Aizawa from losing his life, too. And, _oh_, how he wanted to yell at the man. But that wasn't the way he did things and, more importantly, that wasn't the way _Ryuuzaki_ did things. So he had to keep a calm front, speak evenly, reasonably, drive his point across with a logical plea. Although it was probably less that than the quivering he couldn't quite suppress that had Aizawa obeying.

That disaster averted for the moment, L now concentrated very hard on quelling the white-hot fury that had focused itself on Light Yagami. After all, the boy wasn't here and at the moment L had no way to get ahold of him. When he did, though…. L abruptly cut off that line of thinking as it was extremely unproductive and a touch disturbing, even for him.

The important questions were, had Light _known_ Ukita was on the task force, or had he killed him simply because he went down to the station? What about the issue of having to know a person's face _and_ name to kill them? Was that just a rouse? Did Kira really only need a face? But all the evidence leading up to this point…. And what the _hell_ was going on now? Some sort of vehicle had just crashed into and through the front of the Sakura TV building. Was it the NPA or some crazed person or—

Ah. Well, there was one question answered in a perfectly horrible way. It seemed Kira had taken Ukita out just because he'd gone down to the station if the two murdered policemen were anything to go by. Already in communication with Kitamura, L gave precise instructions to the man on how to coordinate his men and the precautions they should use, namely in the form of riot helmets and shields. All to protect not only themselves but the "crazed person" who turned out to be Yagami. Well, that certainly made things easier for L. Provided, of course, that the convalescing man didn't collapse before he could deliver the evidence. But Yagami assured the detective that he was fine and he _did_ sound quite a bit improved.

The police's involvement went perfectly, the barrier sound. There were no more deaths due to careless exposure that night and Yagami safely returned to headquarters. L truly was grateful, both for the efforts he made and the fact that the man was able to resume his duty. He _was_ a great asset to the task force.

Now to examine the evidence. With all they'd acquired, there must be _something_ there, some piece of carelessness Light had left behind. And when he found it, L would capture the boy and he would _never_ be free again.

_.x.L.x._

The sense of relief L felt after he watched the tapes was completely inappropriate. But he couldn't help it. It _wasn't_ Light. _His_ Kira had not been responsible for this travesty. Of course that just raised new problems but for the moment L took comfort in the fact that Light hadn't yet gained the upper-hand, hadn't exterminated one of the members of his investigation team. Besides, L hadn't liked the inelegance of it all. Light was smarter than that, more subtle. He brought grace and style to the game, didn't just throw pieces haphazardly around the board.

No, this was all wrong. The choice of targets, the shoddiness of the video, the media outlet used. Someone else was behind this, someone not nearly as clever as Light. And therefore, logically, much easier to catch. And if they could find _this_ person, that could very well lead them straight to the true Kira.

The situation was considerably more dangerous for L now, though. One Kira was bad enough and from all appearances this new one was able to extinguish life merely by looking at someone. What if it really _was_ possible to kill just by wishing it? L quickly dropped that line of thinking. It would bring him no closer to 

a solution and if it _was_ true, that would just mean there would be no hard evidence to use in order to bring about conviction. There had to be _something_. And L would find it.

_.x.L.x._

They followed the instructions the fake Kira had given, obviously choosing the tape that gave their answer to the person's requests as "no." As expected, there was a flurry of activity and discussion around the world over the course of action to be taken and, again as expected, the general demand was for L to acquiesce to Kira's command that he show himself on television. L had no aspirations to be a martyr – really, he was pretty selfish when it came down to it – and certainly not for someone like this, although he still spun his own angle for the task force.

"The correct decision is for me to do as Kira says. After all, I _did_ issue a personal challenge and the Director-General should not be penalized for that." He gave a little sigh. "However, it seems as though such an action would merely result in the loss of more life."

"W-what do you mean, Ryuuzaki?" Matsuda asked, right on cue.

"Well," L responded around a mouthful of cake, "even when I do appear on Sakura TV as L" – he swallowed and stared thoughtfully up at the ceiling, tapping the fork on his chin – "how am I to convince Kira that I am who I claim to be? I really have no proof." Out of the corner of his eye he could see the other men's faces take on expressions of realization and uncertainty. Now for the capping piece. "And, honestly, it would sting my pride to lose to someone who's only posing as the real Kira." This, of course, produced more shock.

Now that he had their attention and they were in the correct frame of mind, L began laying out his reasonings for such a statement, each point carefully explained since the other investigators clearly hadn't even considered the possibility. As usual, Matsuda was awed by the new viewpoint, Aizawa was skeptical and Yagami wanted to know the likelihood of it being true. Really, the man had gotten awfully attached to these numbers. Still, L gave him one and much closer to the truth than usual at that. But he needed the team to be with him on this.

It was a well-executed maneuver. Thinking in a different way about the evidence they'd managed to collect so far from the tapes and envelope they'd come in yielded support to L's hypothesis and, better still, promising physical proof against this faux Kira, this _second_ Kira. It was a start, anyway.

Unfortunately, L's comment on the size of the fingerprints that had been pulled from the envelope had Yagami yet again jumping at the chance to prove his son innocent. L sighed inwardly. It was both convenient and terribly _in_convenient that Kira happened to be the child of the head of the NPA's investigation team and the leading member of L's own force. It made the man somewhat mercurial but also fairly easy to manipulate.

"Yes, Yagami-kun's profile of an affluent child probably is correct." _And all he has to do is look into a mirror to see it_. "Actually, Yagami-san, I would like it if I could bring your son in to aid with the investigation. When it doesn't interfere with his studies, of course." One difficulty in working with professional investigators was that no matter how sincere the façade L projected was they often sensed its fallacy. Still, few were entirely resistant to his devices.

So even though Yagami paused, uncertain about L's intentions, he answered, "As long as it's alright with Light." One step closer. Now the next bit.

"Very well. Assuming Yagami-kun agrees to assist us, I would like it to be kept secret from him that we are now viewing this as a case of two separate people with the ability to kill with only a face and-or a name functioning independently of one another." There were two ways Light could handle the situation. He could interpret the tapes as being from Kira (would it secretly grate on him to indirectly take credit for such poor work?), letting things run the course that would lead to L's execution on live television. It _would_ be to his advantage to be rid of L so easily.

However, the much more probable choice was that Light would admit that it was the work of another person. If he allowed L to be murdered, it would be all the harder for him to track down the other person which was no doubt of concern to the boy. Besides the fact that Light was sure to assume that L would never make such a move anyway. They basically understood each other – Light was just as selfish and arrogant as L. Ultimately, Light had more to gain by coming to the same conclusions as L. And if it looked like he was wavering, L would just give him a nudge in the right direction.

Mostly, though, L just wanted to see Light – his reaction, that was. He was probably angry as hell. A small smile, hidden by his teacup, drew itself across L's lips. Light was never more enthralling than when he was upset.

_.x.L.x._

This case was proving to be one of discoveries. The latest: L liked to be touched. Or, at least, he liked to be touched by Light. Not that the boy was deliberately making the contact with him. Probably. He was pretty sure.

When Light came in he'd started right off by asking about the number of investigators. _Making a tally, Kira_? L thought wryly as he gave his response of an exaggerated team size before explaining what he would like Light to do. And then Light had clapped a hand on his shoulder and L's brain momentarily short-circuited. In an oddly pleasant way. He recovered quickly but the incident flitted at the back of his mind. Especially when it happened again. And again. Light laying a hand on his shoulder or on his arm, long, skilled fingers touching his skin where the sleeve didn't quite cover it. It was brief, but still warm and electric and L began to want more of it.

He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised at the self-realization. Somewhere buried in the battered cardboard box of Things L Remembered But Didn't Give Any Thought To was a memory years and years old. Someone's hands touching his face, stroking his hair, holding him close to a warm body while he buried his own little fingers in long, soft, dark tresses.

It was a natural inclination from birth to want to be touched. But for L, the touches had stopped long ago. He'd been left alone for quite some time and when he'd been found again he'd forgotten that very basic need. And no one had seen fit to remind him. Until Light with his incidental, meaningless caresses had come to him.

And now, despite the great number of things L _should_ have been thinking about, he was spending quite a bit of time and brainpower trying to figure out ways to increase the frequency of those bits of contact without making it look intentional. Unfortunately, his lack of knowledge about that form of body language was leaving him stumped. Of course, L could have initiated the casual brushes himself but he was hesitant to do so for two reasons: First, he preferred it when _Light_ touched _him_ and second, he suspected that should he begin to indulge in those kinds of urges he might not be able to stop himself touching the boy and that would just become awkward very quickly.

Still, as the afternoon wore on, L did improve in his technique and was particularly proud of himself when, by a considered arrangement of himself in a chair and some documents he "wanted Yagami-kun to take a look at" he managed to produce the intended result of having Light place a hand on his shoulder and lean over him to see the papers. Although it may not have been the best move as for several moments L forgot how to do anything except enjoy the proximity of Light, especially when his face was so close and L could feel strands of his hair shifting with the boy's movements.

All too soon, though, L's time of frivolity was over. Light finished composing the script of the fake message from Kira, getting in his little dig at L who supposed he'd had it coming. The video was prepared, the air-time reserved and then Light was gone, no longer needed for the day. And L found himself a bit at an odd end as he realized his ability to concentrate had increased exponentially with Light's absence. Stupid boy and his stupid wonderful touches. L was _really_ going to have to learn to deal with that.

But perhaps, over time, he would become more desensitized. That would certainly be best. Because if he was going to keep Kira after he caught him (as L was becoming more and more inclined to do) it would be no good if the boy's presence kept him from continuing to do his work. L chewed on his thumb thoughtfully. Well, this was all new to him. Surely he'd figure it out before too long.

_.x.L.x._

L's reaction caught him as much by surprise as it had the rest of the people in the room. But it was really just too much, too unbelievable. Yet it _made sense_. The whole damn case was just one unnatural affair, from the _still_ as yet unknown killing method to the factor of _one _person using this method worldwide, likely without any agents to aid him. If he were to take this as the proper explanation for it all….

And when he looked back and his eyes met Light's…. The message L read there was a desperate _I don't want you to know_. Of course, the boy's mouth created a perfectly reasonable interpretation of the meaning of the term "shinigami" and L feigned agreement as he righted both the chair and himself; but the damage had been done and now L's mind whirled as he put this new piece into the puzzle, recreating the picture even while he led a conversation with the rest of the investigation team.

That comment, too, about the eyes…. It was too bothersome, hit too close to home. It was so similar to what B had once spoken of. L _still_ didn't entirely understand it, but knew that it might be best to change tactics. Especially since not only was this second Kira much stupider than Light but also seemingly driven by the desire to meet the boy. So….

"I think it would be best to allow Kira and the second Kira to handle things themselves at this point." Because then L would get the chance to see what Light would do. Or perhaps the second Kira would be dumb enough to send another message, supply them with further evidence. Either way, things still lied in favor with L by adopting this route and best of all, it put Light in a tight spot. Would he do anything, or wouldn't he? L smiled, eyes falling on Light. _Let's see your next move, Kira_.

_.x.L.x._

It was pleasing, of course, to see Light's irritation when he looked at the diary page but of greater interest was the subtle change of his features when he gave it a second glance. Had he figured something out? And that he offered to go to Aoyama and Shibuya…. There _must_ be something there, something only Light and the second Kira could understand. L wasn't entirely happy about the situation. If Light _did_ somehow make contact with the second Kira, it would only strengthen his position against L. Still…. They would be blanketing the areas with cameras and whatever plainclothes officers were available. Anyone Light approached or was approached by would be identified. It was an opportunity L couldn't pass up, regardless of the consequences.

So he took what precautions he could – instructing the team to destroy essentially all photographic evidence of themselves as well as concealing the fact that they were police officers, and, his least reliable insurance, instructing Matsuda in particular to secretly keep watch on Light during their trips.

L fiddled irritatedly with the empty paper wrappers of the chocolates he'd consumed earlier. This just really was not at all a pleasing turn of events. Ignoring the danger of a second person possessing the same esoteric killing method, L mostly resented that this wasn't just about him and Light anymore, that someone had encroached on their game. And if Light _did_ somehow manage to make contact with this person without being detected, it might be in L's best interest to disappear again. Meaning no more seeing Light. No more being touched by Light. No more seeing that look in his eyes, the subtle anger that L had come to realize excited him just as much as the contact.

He was _pouting_. Honestly, good God. Maybe he just was a late-bloomer, especially having never gone through any kind of formalized schooling where he would have been in contact with others and formed meaningless and painful infatuations. He'd told himself he would just let this go and see where it led but L truly hoped he didn't lose all sense of dignity and reasonable intelligence along the way.

Stupid captivating boy.

_.x.L.x._

Good news and bad news. Good news – judging by the intense surveillance he'd been under and the air of genuine surprise over the latest video, Light hadn't yet met the second Kira. Bad news – the second Kira had managed to identify Light without exposure. Again L made the most promising moves he could under the disappointing conditions. Another message was sent to the second Kira, this time admittedly from the police, while Mogi was shifted from covering the NPA office and Kitamura family to instead trailing Light, and L feverishly reviewed the tapes from Aoyama and Shibuya. Somewhere. The answer was somewhere and L was going to find it.

_.x.L.x._

L almost snorted into his tea when Light gave that stupid line about missing him on campus. _Well, I suppose turn-about is fair play_, he thought wryly. After all, he'd started it with that mush about Light being his first friend. He was sorely tempted to take a peek at the rest of the investigation team and see how they were reacting to the whole thing but then he would _really_ have to keep himself from laughing and decided it wasn't worth the risk. As it was he merely allowed the tiniest of smiles to cross his lips. This game with Light … it was one of the most entertaining he'd ever played. And so very addicting. But still, now that Light and the second Kira had found each other….

"It might be best if I concealed myself again." There was an uncomfortable pause from them all but L only cared about one reaction.

"If that's how you feel, maybe that would be best." There was a touch of vexation in the statement, but L thought it was probably more due to Light's unhappiness at the thought of losing track of L's presence than a desire to be it in. And with that the boy went home, leaving L with very conflicting thoughts. It probably _would_ be best if he hid himself away once more but … he didn't want to stop seeing Light. It felt like taking a step back from the game which, while undoubtedly a prudent move, would cost him those feelings of exhilaration.

He'd met Kira head-on, face-to-face, and L just couldn't accept anything less at this point. For better or worse, he would stay here, with his enemy and his fixation.

_.x.L.x._

Success, at last. Mogi had done his job and done it well and L spent the next few hours scouring any bits of information he could find on Kiyomi Takada and Misa Amane. And then just Misa Amane. She'd raised red flags as soon as L saw her picture and everything he learned as he viewed websites, magazines, photos and commercials merely strengthened his conviction. This was _not_ the type of girl Light would seek out or even tolerate unless he had a very good reason.

And it was even better when L delved into her personal information. Parents murdered by a burglar in front of her one year ago, a delay in prosecution until the man had died, presumably killed by Kira. Moved recently to Tokyo. If he went by the half-formed profile he'd constructed by watching the tapes he could assume that she'd come in order to find Kira. It was nearly perfect.

Now he could finally put their physical evidence to good use and he directed her apartment to be searched and samples collected. It was done, the samples processed quickly and more success – positive results. L arranged with Watari to have her picked up under the cover of fault by her manager while ensuring that every precaution would be used to protect his men.

And all of this was done while L tried to ignore a smoldering in his gut that he suspected was probably jealousy. He could understand why the boy had taken up with these girls but that didn't mean he had to like it. Light was _his_ and he shouldn't be sharing his time and his mind and his _touches_ with them. In fact, perhaps Light needed a reminder of who he truly belonged to and who he should be paying his attention to.

L gave his instructions to the investigation team and then left for To-oh.

_.x.L.x._

L had never seen the face of death nor taken any time to consider what his reaction would be to such an event; however, if he had he was certain it would not have been the way he actually _did_ react. But he couldn't help himself. It was just so … _ridiculous_, really. And he had seen the initial look that had flashed across Light's face when Misa Amane suddenly appeared. Pure irritation with a touch of panic. That cinched it for L. Amane _must_ be the second Kira. And clearly Light had little control over her actions which must have been infuriating for him. Because of that L couldn't help but grin, laughing inside. Of course, the knowledge of the events he'd set in motion added to his amusement.

But still, he was in an incredibly dangerous position right now. By all evidence, Amane knew what his name was having seen his face. His only saving grace was that she didn't know that he was L but Light would be divulging that particular factoid as soon as he could. Therefore….

Luck and a campus full of pop-culture morons were with him as a crowd suddenly and rapidly swarmed the trio, giving L the opportunity to relieve Amane of her cell phone under the pretext of feeling her up. As if. Amane was easily fooled by the act but L could see that Light was suspicious and just generally annoyed. Thankfully, the girl's manager swooped down on her and dragged her away, saving L from any further self-degradation and leaving him alone with Light. Who promptly excused himself to the toilet.

_Can't wait to set my death, Kira?_ Although Light really _did_ need to find out sooner rather than later, even if he didn't know why. Not that it mattered, L thought with a grin as he answered the phone he'd lifted from the blonde. Ooo, there was that look again. Should he be concerned that he derived so much pleasure from infuriating a mass-murderer? And then the other call, the one he'd been waiting for, delivering yet another blow to Light's defenses.

"This must be difficult for you, Yagami-kun, to have such a thing happen to your girlfriend," L offered with innocence, though he couldn't help mockingly emphasizing the last word. "Perhaps she was not the best 

choice in companions? Takada-san certainly seems more suited to you." He was deliberately baiting the boy, but he was annoyed and that always gave his subtle jabs sharper barbs. Looking up at the sky with a finger on his lips, he continued, "At least you hadn't been dating Misa Amane-san for a long time. Just a few days, wasn't it?"

He'd pushed farther than he thought. Light grabbed his arm angrily, yanking him closer and throwing L off-balance in more ways than one. "Ryuuga, what are you—" Light suddenly stopped, staring intently at L's face, into his eyes.

_Oh … damnit_. The combination of Light's proximity, contact and temper had formed a rather disastrous cocktail within L that had his breath short, his heart beating in an odd staccato, and an actual blush beginning to stain his cheeks. And Light _saw_ it. L froze under the new look that seeped into the boy's amber eyes.

"Are you alright, Ryuuga?" he asked, suddenly dropping the indignation and full of concern. "You look a little flushed." He softly brushed the back of his hand along L's cheek and smirked ever-so-slightly at the tiny tremor the action caused. It wasn't just the contact, it was the sudden thought that _Kira wanted him, too_. And L was tempted to see what Light would do if he let him, but it was too soon. L wasn't prepared and he didn't want to lose his head. In more ways than one.

So he pulled away and said, "Yes, thank you, Yagami-kun. I am unaccustomed to being in the sunlight this much and I believe it's beginning to affect me."

"Mmm," Light hummed, dropping L's arm by letting his fingers trail down the limb, lingering a bit at the man's fingertips. "You _do_ have fair skin. You probably burn easily."

L tilted his head in a way that wasn't clearly a yes or a no and changed the subject. "I need to return to headquarters now and deal with Amane-san. May I borrow your cell phone for a moment?" Light gave him a puzzled look but handed the device over. "Thank you. We have shifted locations and as the rest of the task force is instructed to leave their own phones off, you will have no way to contact anyone should you wish. Therefore, I am programming the number for my phone into your directory." Which he did after checking the calls record, unfortunately producing nothing particularly interesting. Ah, well. He returned the phone to a still perplexed Light with a small smile.

"Well then, Yagami-kun." And then L turned and left, glad for once to be the one watched walking away.

_.x.L.x._

There were numerous justifiable reasons, L told himself, why he should be so very angry at Amane even as he didn't want to waste the emotional energy on her. She'd murdered one of his own investigators, pursued petty targets, just been so generally _stupid…._ But really, the worst offense was the fact that she'd encroached on their game, his and Light's. It was _theirs_, just the two of them, that's the way it was supposed to be, the way L wanted it to be. One did not sit down to chess with _two_ other people.

He supposed he should have been angry with Light as well and he was, a little, but…. L couldn't begrudge the boy using whatever resource was available to him. It was what he did and it was the same thing L would have done. Anything to stay in the game. L just didn't appreciate that now the rules had been changed.

But the basic laws of human decency still had to be observed, especially while the rest of the task force was breathing down his neck and so he instructed Watari to take the proper precautions. Basically that meant do nothing that would leave any traces. He would probably be starting with denial of food and water. And if necessary move on from there.

Eventually, she'd have to break and then Light would be L's.

_.x.L.x._

Something had gone terribly wrong. It had all started when Light called him with the admission that "he might be Kira." _Might_ be, L's ass. But he couldn't deny Light's request to be confined. Even though he didn't _at all_ like that it had been _Light's_ suggestion, it still should have been to L's advantage. He was going to be bringing the boy in for questioning soon anyway, despite the fact that Misa had been tight-lipped until three days into her imprisonment when she'd first begged for death, passed out and then awakened in a completely different state of mind. She was now insisting vehemently that she knew nothing about Kira or the second Kira while speaking of Light as her boyfriend.

Light, who was finally under L's control, freedom restricted as he sat, hands and ankles bound, in a cell within a building in a different part of the city. L was both happy about it and not. On one hand, he was free to look at and speak to Light as much as he wanted, but on the other he'd lost that physical contact. And he'd also lost Soichiro Yagami, his most valuable asset.

Not that that seemed to matter at first. To L's considerable surprise, the killings had stopped as soon as Light's confinement began. He just didn't _understand_. Obviously, the boy was up to something, but this wasn't the way he thought Light would go. L had assumed that he would somehow set it up so that the killings would continue when he couldn't _possibly_ be doing anything, thus proving his innocence. But _this_…. What was Light's goal? If L couldn't figure it out, he would be playing right into Light's hands.

All of that, though, had gone straight out of L's head on the seventh day. A simple request after Light's condition, a dispirited response and then, as with Misa, everything had changed. Light's entire attitude did a one-eighty, completely contradicting what he'd said before he'd submitted to the imprisonment.

"Look at my eyes!" the boy begged and L did and a knife of ice stabbed him straight through the gut. _It was gone_. The mask was gone, _Kira's eyes_ were gone. _What the hell was going on?_ For what had to be the first time in his life, L felt something approaching a sense of panic. This must be what Light had planned, but he still didn't understand it. He was left with three clueless people in cells and, worst of all, no Kira.

And then the killings began again.

* * *

AN: OH NOZ!!1!!11!1! KIRAS GON!!1 Whatever shall L do? :)

Next time, dealing with confinement.

(I wonder what happened to Misa's cat?)

13 Aug '08


	5. Stockholm Syndrome

AN: There's a section in here that I'd briefly thought about as a separate ficlet a couple months ago (and probably not the section you think :D). I'm glad I could work it in here. Probably wouldn't have stood so well on its own.

Also, I'd like to say here that I am, like, completely in love with Alessandro Juliani's L. His voice is the only reason I watch those episodes in English.

Thank you again to everyone for their reviews last chapter. They were very encouraging. Also, thank you to everyone who has this story on alert--it's very gratifying. :)

Finally, fair warning: This chapter would be one of the reasons for the "M" rating.

* * *

Stockholm Syndrome

_And I won't hold you back  
Let your anger rise  
And we'll fly  
And we'll fall  
And we'll burn  
No one will recall  
No one will recall_

_This is the last time I'll abandon you  
and this is the last time I'll forget you  
I wish I could_

_.x.L.x._

Sigh._ Click._ "Light-kun."

Shift. "What is it, Ryuuzaki?"

"How are you feeling?"

Huff. "The same as yesterday. And the day before that. And the day before _that_."

"I'm merely checking your condition, Light-kun."

Sigh. "Sure, Ryuuzaki."

"Really, Light-kun. Aren't friends usually concerned about each other?"

Raised brow. "Yes, I suppose _friends_ are. But we can hardly refer to each other that way, can we?"

"I guess it's difficult for you to think of me that way, but it's how I think of you.

"Whatever you say, Ryuuzaki. Since you're feeling so _friendly_ then, why don't you end this and let me out of here? There's no point to keeping me locked up."

"If you would simply tell me the truth, this _would_ be over."

Snort. "Yeah, because I'd be _dead_ if I told you what you wanted to hear. But it's not the truth. I've _told_ you everything that is. You're wasting your time with this."

"I don't think so."

"You just don't want to be wrong! Look, everyone makes mistakes – I made one, too, otherwise I wouldn't even be here. But if you let me go, I can help you! We can find out who's really responsible for all of this!"

"I'm looking at the person currently responsible for all of this."

Hair flipped out of eyes. "I'm not! How many times and in how many different ways can I tell you that?? What will it take until you let me out of here?"

"The truth, Light-kun."

"You mean the truth as _you_ see it."

"You may put it that way all you like but the evidence still speaks against you. And you acknowledged this yourself when you came to me."

"Well I was wrong! I don't know what the hell I was thinking!" Pause. "Maybe I was being controlled! Didn't you say that Kira could manipulate people?"

"Yes, and those people are dead. You are still here."

Another pause. "Maybe … maybe something else then…."

"Light-kun, there is only one fact you need focus on: The killings stop immediately you were confined and have not resumed since then. That and that alone should be enough."

Crumple. Silence. Then, "Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes, Light-kun?"

Whisper. "Just … go away for now. Please, just leave me alone."

Sigh. "Very well."

_Click._

_.x.L.x._

L learned that a mere voice could be torturous. If it was the right voice, aimed at the right target. It was almost ironic, really. L had been under the impression, judging by the handful of people he'd personally interacted with over the last few years, that his voice was actually one of his more pleasant features. One person had even gone so far as to term it "soothing." He supposed, if he thought about it, that it did have nice qualities – a calm baritone that was capable of conveying anything from amusement to absolute authority with only the subtlest changes. (Although, he couldn't truly be sure what it sounded like to other people – one could never properly hear one's own voice.) However, like so many other parts of his physical nature, he didn't concern himself one way or the other about it. Until….

L also learned that he could enjoy torturing, if it was aimed at the right target. And as far as he was concerned, Light Yagami was the perfect target. He didn't care what the boy was saying now, L _knew_ he was Kira, he had seen it, every bit of intuition in him _screamed_ it. Whatever this was now, whether it was a very clever act or a genuine change of personality, _somehow_ Light was responsible for it.

That this was all an act was the preferred option for two reasons: It would mean Kira was still within L's reach, still there to challenge and fight him; and really, this version of Light was just pathetic. His calm, composed exterior had been shed and now L was left with a whining, mewling, _desperate_ replacement that more often than not got on his nerves. Of course, if he were to take the viewpoint that this _wasn't_ an act, that he had imprisoned and restrained someone who truly believed himself innocent, then he had to admit that the boy was actually holding up pretty well. Better than Amane, who was looking more like a wilted rose by the day, and much better than Soichiro Yagami who was beginning to look like one of those disheveled people who did nothing but stand around all day wearing placards that said things like, "The End is Near."

And, of course, there were the new killings to deal with. The new killings that L hadn't yet told Light about and didn't know what exactly to consider. They were the same as before and yet L got a different sense from them. With Kira, everything had been personal – it wasn't just someone committing a crime and attempting to evade capture, it was a _battle_, a fierce competition that heightened with every step that they took closer to each other. _This_ was not the same and L was left with three clueless prisoners, emptiness, and a growing sense of something like fear. A fear that he might have lost something that was the most intense encounter of his life without ever really having had it to begin with.

The task force largely seemed to be at a loss as well. They dutifully began gathering the new data but all with that underlying doubt and confusion. Matsuda perpetually bore a worried mien, always looking to do something to mend the breaking structure of the team. Aizawa, thankfully, for once didn't voice his obvious discomfort with the whole situation (at least, not often) – he was a true enough officer to admit that the evidence against Light had to keep him in the cell, even if no one was happy about it. But he had no better idea how to proceed. As for Mogi, well, L had no idea what his opinion was – the man was still stationed at the NPA office and generally only made contributions in the form of large binders full of information-laden paper.

So, for the time being anyway, L took his warped solace in tormenting Light because even just the sound of his voice had apparently become too much for the boy to bear at times. Which was understandable given that every time L talked to him he was making accusations, trying to wheedle a confession, or just generally antagonizing the boy (though always in a subtle way). He had a tendency, too, of speaking with Light late at night, interrupting uneasy sleep cycles. It wasn't that L was necessarily trying to deprive Light of rest (mostly) – he just wanted him off-balance.

Not that keeping him off-balance was producing any results. No more than confining him to a cell with his arms and legs bound, dependent entirely on Watari (who, of course, always disguised himself in Light's presence) for even basic human needs, the only mental stimulation L's own voice. Nothing had changed any part of Light's story, his perfectly explainable innocence. There were no deviations, no breaking of character, no slip-ups, no hint of anything.

L had actually come to the conclusion that this method would ultimately yield nothing of value – Light's Kira was gone and that was that. However, he wasn't ready to admit that to the rest of the team. Hell, he didn't even want to admit it to himself yet. It was a waste of time, one they really couldn't afford especially now that they had to start from zero again, but … he wanted to hold onto the illusion for just a little longer. Besides, he wasn't _quite_ done with Light yet.

At the moment L was alone – what was left of the team had called it a day a couple of hours ago. Amane appeared unconscious and Yagami had that vacant look to him that L was fairly sure meant he'd passed out with his eyes open. Light was still awake, for once sitting on his cot, chin resting on his knees as he stared at nothing. It was the perfect opportunity to get the answer to one of the many questions plaguing him.

L leaned forward and pressed the button for the microphone that connected to Light's cell. "Light-kun, I have a question for you."

Light gave a little sigh but answered civilly enough, "Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"Do you recall that I told you that you were under electronic surveillance for a period of time?"

The boy frowned a little. "Yeah. What about it?"

"I'm curious about a particular event that occurred during that time-frame. Perhaps you could remember it. It would have been between January eighth and twelfth."

"Alright…."

"Specifically, it would have been the night of January tenth. You engaged in masturbation. Do you recall that?"

That certainly had Light's attention. He lifted his head to stare at the camera in complete incredulity, jaw slightly agape, as though he couldn't believe the question he'd just been asked. Honestly, L felt a little the same way but he'd never let that come through to the boy.

"_What_ does _that_ have to do with the Kira investigation?" Light demanded when he regained the power of speech.

"It does," was the only answer L gave. "I take it, then, that you can call the incident to mind?"

Light flushed the tiniest bit and tightened his mouth but still responded, "Yes, I can."

"When you climaxed, you called out part of a name. I'd like to know what that name was." The boy took a moment to glare at the camera, no doubt indignant about being asked such a question as well as having been secretly watched in the first place. But when he actually considered the inquiry, Light's brow furrowed in mild uncertainty.

"I … didn't mean to," he replied haltingly.

Now L was the one frowning in confusion. "What?"

"I didn't mean to call out," Light clarified. "I was surprised."

"Surprised? By what?"

Light thought for a moment then shrugged. "The feeling, I guess. It was very intense." The boy seemed to have gotten over his initial embarrassment and was now discussing the matter in a fairly objective manner.

"You're not used to the sensation?"

He shrugged again. "I don't do it very often." There was a brief pause and then he widened his eyes with patently artificial innocence as he asked, "Do you?"

L smirked – at least the boy hadn't lost _all_ his bite. "Did you have someone specific in mind at the time?" Ah, there was an interesting reaction at last. His face still showed nothing but now Light was refusing to look at the camera where before he'd stared at it as though he could see L on the other side.

"No, I wasn't picturing anybody." An evasion. Even more interesting.

"You weren't thinking about anyone at all?" L pushed determinedly. But Light just shook his head.

"No," the boy spoke, "I wasn't," and L's Light-liedar went _ping_. He believed that Light hadn't meant to say anything – he'd seemed genuinely baffled about that, so perhaps it _had_ merely been some kind of random outburst. But he'd clearly had _someone_ in mind while he was pleasuring himself and for some reason didn't want to reveal who it was to L. Really, he shouldn't read anything into it other than that Light wanted to keep some privacy but L couldn't help but think that that wasn't all there was to it (or maybe couldn't help but hope that it wasn't?).

"Alright, Light-kun. That's all for now." Because, after all, he couldn't _force_ Light to tell him. And that thought stayed at the back of L's mind for quite some time.

_.x.L.x._

L stood outside the cell watching the form crumpled on the floor by the meager cot. One hand fingered a jar in one of his pockets; the other gripped a weapon concealed in another. It was fairly late once again – the rest of the task force had retired for the night and Light himself seemed to be in some kind of uneasy doze. Well, not for much longer.

Letting go of the weapon, L fished instead for the key he'd obtained from Watari and unlocked the cell door when he found it. The noise of the door opening and closing again roused the boy and he lifted his head stiffly, eyes focusing blearily. They sharpened and widened when they locked on L.

"What … why are _you_ here?" There was a touch of hope but mostly wariness in Light's eyes. Those big innocent, lying eyes. In his darker moments L thought about having them removed. But that was a path best left untread and besides, those eyes were the windows to Kira. Wherever he might have gone.

"Clearly my methods of interrogation are not working, Light-kun. So I thought I would try a different approach." L drew the butterfly knife out of his pocket, twirling it between his nimble fingers in a flash of metal to open it. A banal trick, but effective nonetheless. The boy's amber eyes were firmly fixed on that blade, fear swimming in their depths.

"R-Ryuuzaki, I'm telling you the truth. There's nothing I _can_ tell you," Light insisted, eyes flashing between L's and the knife. "I don't know _why_ I thought this was necessary because I'm _not_ Kira. I can't be!"

"Ah, but see, Light-kun," L began, stroking the flat of the blade along his own cheek, eyes cast up to the ceiling, "I _know_ you are. And since deprivation has not loosed your tongue, I thought perhaps pleasure might." He turned his eyes back to Light with an unamused half-smile.

"I— What?" Confusion now joined the alarm swirling in Light's eyes. He shifted awkwardly into an upright position as L stepped closer. The man took a moment to enjoy the vantage – towering over Light who bound and nervous and _weary_ and really just helpless. Then he knelt down to meet Light's eye-level.

"Well, they say you catch more flies with honey, yes? Although I have never understood why anyone should want to catch flies. Regardless, I thought I might try that approach with you. I assume that would be more agreeable to you anyway?" The offer might have been better received if he hadn't been fiddling with the knife again. Oops.

"I don't … I mean, what exactly do you mean?"

"Pleasure, Light-kun. Enjoyment, delight, gratification. I trust you understand the basic definition of the word?"

For the first time a touch of irritation crossed Light's face. "Yes, I understand the word. What I _don't_ understand is what exactly you're planning to do."

"Ah." L slid around Light to kneel behind him, pressed close to the subtly tense boy. "Well, that somewhat depends you." He wrapped the arm with the knife in his hand around Light's chest and put his mouth right next to the boy's ear. "I planned to simply try different things and gauge by your reaction how to proceed. Seems reasonable, doesn't it?" L slid his hand up – still holding the knife – to tilt Light's head to the side, exposing the line of his neck for L's lips. He laid a trail of soft kisses down to the base of the boy's throat and then opened his mouth, tasting the skin with his tongue, sucking on it gently.

Light gasped and tensed, especially when L slipped his unoccupied hand beneath the hem of his shirt. He began squirming uncomfortably as the hand explored his abdomen and began feeling its way up his chest.

"Ryuuzaki, I don't…." Light's voice dropped off into another gasp as the dark-haired man assaulted his neck once more and brushed a finger over a nipple. The heat was rising in the boy's face; L could feel it against his forehead. Smiling without humor, he gripped Light's hips and adjusted him so that the boy was kneeling on his knees, giving L better access to his front and keeping him from curling into a ball. Now L swept both hands under Light's shirt (still clasping the butterfly knife), exploring the lines of Light's torso with his sensitive fingertips. At this point L was wishing he could simply cut the boy's shirt off but he figured that terror would probably kill the mood.

Light made more noise when L brushed over his nipples again, this time pinching a little. "Ryuuzaki, _please_, this isn't the way to—ah!" L had cut him off with a rather sharp tweak.

"But I saw you doing this yourself, Light-kun," L purred against his ear. "You certainly seemed to enjoy it then. Are you trying to tell me you aren't now?"

"_No!_ I'm—uhn!" This time L's hand flashed down and gripped the tell-tale bulge that was beginning to show through Light's thin pants.

"Please stop lying to me, Light-kun. I'm growing rather tired of it." Whether it was the hand between his legs or the tone in L's voice, the boy seemed to deflate a little, resigning himself to whatever L was going to do to him. Good. L wasn't particularly looking for a struggle.

Now he finally put the butterfly knife to its intended purpose, slicing through the straps that held Light's ankles together, then closed the weapon and put it back into his pocket. He nudged the boy's legs further apart with his knees and moved himself closer, pressing his chest against Light's back where his still-restrained arms didn't get in the way. As his hands were now free, L went back to his exploring touches, earning more of those pleasing noises without any of the bothersome objections.

At least until he began to lower Light's pants and underwear. The boy bent in half, or at least tried to – the combination of L's body blocking the movement from behind and his arm preventing it from the front left Light without much success.

"Now, now, Light-kun," L reprimanded softly, "Pleasure, remember? I give so that you will, too."

"Ryuuzaki…" Light began, trying once more to make some kind of plea, but once more was interrupted by the dark-haired man wrapped around him.

"Shhh," L hushed. "The only things I want to hear from these lips" – he ran a finger over the soft flesh – "are sounds of enjoyment and the answers to my questions. Understand?"

There was a pause and then, barely audible, "Yes." His eyes were closed, his head turned down and away.

"Good boy." L finished pushing the clothing down to Light's knees. Keeping one arm locked around the boy's chest, he fished into his pocket for the jar, uncapping it when he pulled it out and scooping some of the jelly lubricant onto his fingers, rubbing them together and against his palm to cover his hand in the substance. Then he reached around and began stroking the boy's shaft, slicking the organ with the lube. Light gave a breathy exhale and squeezed his eyes more tightly, his hands curling into fists and catching some of the fabric of L's shirt.

L leaned forward and nuzzled Light's neck, touching his chest again while his other hand continued to pump. "See? Isn't this better than sitting here doing nothing but staring into space?"

"Hah … uhn…."

"I want to ask you something, Light-kun. I asked you once before but I think you lied to me. But you'll tell me the truth this time, won't you?"

"Nn! I … huhn…."

"When you did this while I was watching you, touching and stroking yourself, were you thinking of someone?" Light seemed to be having some difficulty speaking – he was breathing rather heavily now, letting out gasps and moans in lieu of comprehensible syllables. But he did manage to nod his head.

"Who was it, Light-kun? Tell me." L used his thumb to tease the head of Light's shaft and the boy gasped and jerked. "Who was it?..."

"Ahh, it was … mnn … it was … you…." L was surprised and yet not. Why else would Light have refused to tell him in the first place? Unless, for some reason, he was lying now.

"But you didn't know me then," the man pointed out.

"I know … but … _oh God_ … it was still you…." L smiled in satisfaction and took his hands away to instead work the boy's pants off the rest of the way. Then he turned them both so that they were facing the cot and bent Light forward, his upper half now resting on the surface. L dipped back into his jar, this time just covering two fingers. Wrapping his hand around Light's erection again, he began working his other hand at the boy's entrance as he slowly stroked. Light was twitching again – it seemed to be an involuntary movement.

"Was I doing this to you?" L asked lowly, pushing the fingers inside, stretching and slicking.

"Hahh! N-no, no…."

"You were doing this to me?"

"Yes—oh God, yes!" Apparently L had touched something sensitive. A few more questing touches and he found it again, Light moaning and pushing back a little as though he was trying to get the digits a little further inside. L took it as a good sign and removed his hands again – ignoring the boy's groan of disappointment – to unfasten his pants and apply the lubricant to his own arousal. He positioned himself behind Light and then slowly but steadily pushed his way inside. Light cried out and L nearly did the same – the sensation was incredible. He paused for a moment and then moved experimentally and the feeling was even better. Slowly, L set up a rhythm that Light seemed to respond to as he began pushing back.

"Isn't it … better this way?" L asked, his own breath becoming uneven.

"Yes, yes, please, _yes_…." Encouraged, L increased the force and speed of his thrusts, which Light approved of if his cries and moans were anything to go by.

"I have … another question for you … Light-kun. Where is Kira?" And suddenly the boy was out of the moment, staring with wide eyes over his shoulder even as L kept up his pace.

"I … I don't…."

"_Don't_ lie, Light-kun! You _do_ … know! You did _something_ to make him … nnn! … disappear." L reached around and grabbed Light's member, pumping in time with his thrusts. "Well … Light-kun? Where … is he? Where is … Kira?"

Light looked back over his shoulder again, eyes watering, face flushed, the hair on his forehead damp with sweat. For a moment L thought he was going to refuse again, and then he spoke.

"He's—"

_"Ryuuzaki?"_

_.x.L.x._

"Ryuuzaki?"

L's eyes snapped open. "Yes, Matsuda-san?"

The man approached warily from the side. "Um, is … everything alright?"

"Yes, Matsuda-san."

"Is there, uh, anything you'd like?"

"Yes, Matsuda-san. But for the moment I would settle for a cup of coffee."

"Oh sure! I'll get that for you!"

"Thank you, Matsuda-san." The detective scurried off.

Goddamn it. Just … damn it all. Fuck it, even. This was approaching the realms of absolute absurdity. Let's see, this would be … number four, was it? Four of these asinine and entirely unwanted delusions.

What was bothering him most about these dreams (other than the state he usually woke up in and thank _God_ for crouching) was that he didn't _realize_ they were dreams. He generally slept for such short periods of time that dreaming didn't occur, but on the rare occasions when it did he never mistook it for reality.

And he didn't understand why he was doing so now. It was completely ludicrous. As if he could _fuck_ the Kira back into Light. (Couldn't really call it rape, could he, when the boy always seemed to get into it in the end?) Not like L would really have any idea what he was doing anyway. Technical knowledge did not experience make. The fact that everything seemed to go so perfectly should have been more than enough of a clue. All of it was nothing more than wishful fantasies that were leaving L incredibly frustrated and driving him a little mad.

He took a moment to speak to each of the captives in turn, partly just to check on their conditions and maintain communication, and partly to attempt to ground himself in the here and now. As usual, Soichiro Yagami refused to leave without his son, Light continued to spin wild theories to support his claims of his innocence and Misa Amane moaned over being kept away from her precious Light.

Matsuda returned with the coffee which L accepted silently, throwing in the obligatory handful of sugar cubes but taking a sip before any of them had the opportunity to dissolve. He was still swallowing when Aizawa spoke up.

"Ryuuzaki, don't you think this is getting little ridiculous?" _Absolutely_, L thought in only mild sarcasm, though he said nothing, taking another pull on the hot liquid then setting it aside in favor of the parfait he'd started before his brief lapse into unreality. "There's no reason to be keeping Light, or even Misa in there anymore. And if you let Light go, then we can get the Chief back. And we need him to continue this investigation. We need to find the real Kira, Ryuuzaki!" So they had reached the threshold then. L sighed inwardly.

"I understand," he replied. And then he contacted Soichiro Yagami.

_.x.L.x._

It was a little surprising how much convincing L had to do to make Yagami agree to his plan. He'd thought that the man would be so glad that his son was being released he would have immediately acquiesced to anything. But then again, it _was_ a little extreme. Plus, the man was probably still a little angry at L for continuing to believe that his son was Kira.

Ultimately, it took most of the day to convince Yagami. And then they had to get the man cleaned up. After all, it wouldn't do to have him looking like a hobo when he was supposed to be acting as a functioning member of the Kira investigation. A shower, shave and haircut did wonders as did a couple nights of undisturbed rest and proper meals. L had Watari take care of the rest – outfitting the car and picking the location as well as preparing the two prisoners.

What was particularly interesting to L was that Yagami didn't seem to fear the danger to his own life should things turn out the way they were preparing for. Actually, L was pretty sure that should Light indeed reveal himself as Kira, Soichiro Yagami would _rather_ end up dead. It seemed like a waste. But then L had no children nor had he ever loved anyone at all really, so he couldn't expect to understand. (Though, even if either of those two things had been true, he _still_ probably wouldn't have understood.)

The stage was set, Yagami line-perfect, playing his part flawlessly. It was amusing that at one point Light himself voiced L's own conclusion that if he and Amane were the first and second Kira's there was no way they'd allow Yagami to kill them. Because L was fairly certain that Kira was the type of person who would kill even his own father if he thought it was necessary.

But nothing happened. The gun went off and there were no dead bodies, just three emotionally exhausted people looking toward the future with tentative hope. Meaning L had to follow through with the rest of his strategy.

_.x.L.x._

He stared at the shining silver ring of metal now wrapped ineluctably around his thin wrist. This was a mistake. A horrible _horrible_ mistake. The steel was cold and hard – it felt as though it was lying right against the bone, the harsh edges digging in and wearing a groove. (He would probably be scarred before he got the damned thing off.) And the links joined to it felt like the chain of an anchor. Which in a way, he supposed, it was. His weight just happened to have a name and was currently standing as far away as the six feet of fetters allowed, adjusting the cuff agitatedly while trying to pretend that it didn't bother him. L faked it better.

Well, let Light do what he would – there shouldn't be any problems with the restraint. They were double lock handcuffs and L had been sure to engage the mechanism. Even if he struggled or attempted to pick the lock (both of which seemed unlikely anyway) Light still shouldn't be able to get away from L. But neither, then, could L get away from Light.

He wasn't sure who was more upset about the situation: himself, Light or Light's father. Actually, Amane probably had them all trumped but L didn't give a damn about her opinion. In fact, he would have liked nothing better than to dispose of her presence entirely, preferably by dropping her off of a bridge or some similar method. At least she was somewhat responsive to Light's requests, a condition that L intended to make full use of. And he wasn't the only she was irritating beyond measure – for once L was grateful for Aizawa's outburst as it finally removed her from their vicinity.

L had been hopeful but not surprised when he'd tested Light's willingness to manipulate Amane to their advantage by means of her abnormal attachment to the boy. The Light he'd known before, the one he was _sure_ was Kira, would no doubt have done such a thing (and probably had, for that matter). _This_ Light … of course not. Such a _good_ person could never hurt another in that way. For now, L would just have to drop it and try to adjust to this new Light. It wasn't like he had a choice. Neither of them did anymore.

It was odd, the things that bothered him about this arrangement. He was more uncomfortable with the idea of brushing his teeth in front of or sleeping with Light than he was with showering or using the toilet. Brushing one's teeth had never struck him as a particularly personal thing, but as he stood next to the boy, the chain rattling madly as he cleaned, he felt ridiculously self-conscious. (He was right-handed by nature, but there were a number of things he'd learned to do with his left as well. However, one of these was _not_ brushing his teeth. He could play a decent game of tennis, write, even use chopsticks with his left hand, but could he bloody well brush his teeth with it so he didn't have to hear that damn clanking all the time? Noooo.) It was almost as if L was afraid Light would either start criticizing his technique or glean _some_ kind of deeper insight into him from the simple action. The sleeping, at least made more sense. Who on Earth wanted to lie down next to someone who wanted you dead?

The showering though … that had yielded a shock he hadn't even considered. L had prepared himself for meeting and working with people admittedly as L which meant a great deal of time spent in others' presences. It did not, however, mean _twenty-four hours a day_ in someone else's presence, someone who was only six feet away.

That first night, L was willing to make certain amenities for Light. He acknowledged that the boy had been through an ordeal and though his own personal emotions were still in conflict where Light was concerned, he would still act in a humane manner. So when the boy had requested a shower before bed, he complied, deciding to take one himself (they might as well align their activities). They didn't take one together although L assumed that at some point it would end up that way when they became more comfortable with the situation, and no doubt he would then have a new set of issues to deal with. But for tonight L freed Light, remaining in the room with him, and when the boy was finished reattached the cuff and took his turn.

He was in the middle of shampooing his hair when Light spoke.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes, Light-kun?"

"Are you … humming?"

_Shit!_ L froze for a moment before answering, "No, Light-kun. Perhaps it was the squeak of the showerhead you heard?"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess." And Light fell silent again while L wanted to pound his head against the wall. Because he _had_ been humming. It was something he'd done in the shower for a long time – sometimes it was nonsense, other times (like now) a proper song. It was a quirk he hadn't bothered to correct because he'd always done it quietly and there was no way any of the team would have heard him do it. Except, of course, if that person was within two yards of him.

Really, it didn't matter. It was a small thing, unimportant and yet L didn't want to give it up. He felt as though he'd already lost so many little pieces of himself in this case to Light, and he wanted to keep what he could intact. So he severed this part of himself, locked it away where Light couldn't reach it, sighing as he turned off the water. This was going to be a long trial.

L went to bed with Light that night as well, in an effort to allow the boy a decent night of sleep. The arrangement of the bed was actually not difficult to work out – given the placement of the cuffs, it only made sense for L to be on the left and Light on the right. The arrangement of the sheets was another matter. Light wanted both the sheet and comforter despite the fact that it was July (and there were no doubt psychological reasons for that, but L wasn't going to bother reading into it), while L wanted just the sheet. Which might not have been a problem except for L's need to wrap the sheet around his torso with his legs and feet free. (While Light had donned pajamas, L had merely removed his pants as he had never found it easy to sleep with all those buttons and zippers and things poking him during the night.) L had finally dug up an extra sheet from a closet and the problem was tentatively solved.

Light fell asleep surprisingly quickly but L remained awake. He wasn't particularly tired and the addition of a body next to his, a completely new experience, was not helping to induce a restful state. Plus, he figured – correctly – that Light's inevitable nocturnal unease would have woken him up anyway. The boy didn't seem to be suffering any nightmares per se, but he was restless, tossing and turning, stretching out and then curling up again into a protective ball.

And then one time Light turned L felt hands clutching at his back, grasping the fabric of the sheet and his shirt. L peered back over his shoulder – the boy was definitely still asleep, all his movements unconscious. There was certainly no way he'd be seeking comfort from the person who was responsible for his mental distress otherwise. Carefully, L turned onto his back, watching Light, warring with himself about his course of action. He allowed himself to reach a hand out, barely brush his fingertips over some of the boy's smooth brunet strands.

Then he took his hand back, grabbed his pillow and placed it between them, and rolled back over, away from Light.

* * *

AN: Ah ha ha! Fake lemon! I'm such a wench. :D

Three guesses, btw, as to what L was humming in the shower.

Next chapter, one really silly use of chain. As for me, off to the Ren. Faire! Mud shows and archery and wine! Woo!!

22 Aug. '08


	6. Unintended

AN: There were lots of lovely fragrant butterfly bushes at the Ren. Faire. L would have been so happy, I'm sure... ;) Or tripping. That's right, follow that White Rabbit, baby. -laugh-

So, the penultimate chapter, the golden period of the chain arc! When Light was kind of cute again and there were some awesome fights and Misa-bashing. :D And, incidentally, this is the song I was singing to myself when I got the idea for this fic.

Like L, I prefer to go barefoot. Unlike L, I'm stupid enough occasionally to do so outside (including in the dead of winter with snow on the ground; I never claimed to be a genius :D). _This _happened to me recently, the first time in years. I had forgot how much it _really _freaking _hurts. _But at least I got something out of it. :)

Also, be on the look-out for the longest sentence, like, _ever. _-laugh-

* * *

Unintended

_You could be my unintended  
Choice to live my life extended  
You should be the one I'll always love_

_I'll be there as soon as I can  
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before_

_.x.L.x._

They were walking down the hall when L suddenly gasped and bent double. A surge of blind panic momentarily overwhelmed Light as his mind automatically turned to Kira.

"_Ryuuzaki??_..." Light put a hand out but the man was already straightening though, oddly, he was pulling his left foot up with him. Light's brow furrowed as he asked, "What's the matter?"

"I believe," L answered in a tight voice, "I have stepped on a bee." For a moment Light could only stare, uncomprehending, as L muttered darkly under his breath while he peered at the bottom of his foot and a mild stain of exertion colored a path from cheek to cheek over the bridge of his nose. Finally Light's brain processed what L had said and a wave of relief tinged with a hint of irritation washed over him as he silently wondered, _A bee? How would a bee even get inside the building?_ He gave a sigh and shook his head. _Leave it to _him_…._

"If you didn't insist on going barefoot everywhere…."

L's eyes snapped up to meet the exasperated gaze with a smoldering look of his own. "I am in the habit, Light-kun, of wearing shoes in places where it is likely that I will do things like step on bees," he bit out. "That does not generally include the interior of this building."

"Still…."

"Yes, yes, I understand! Shoes are glorious and had I been wearing them I would not be in this predicament. However, that is not the case and perhaps Light-kun could reserve his lecture for another time as, at the moment, I am in a rather excruciating amount of pain and my attention would be limited at best." Light blinked in surprise at the outburst – he'd never seen L quite so vitriolic before. But, as he said, he was in a great deal of pain so Light supposed it was to be expected. Therefore he kept his mouth shut, merely shaking his head once more, and moved in front of the detective, back to him. Light then grabbed L's thin wrists and hoisted his arms over his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" L asked with a touch of alarm, momentarily thrown off-balance.

"I'm taking you to get fixed up. It's going to be hard for you to walk like that, so come on. Get up." He glanced back over his shoulder to see the man giving him an indecipherable look – he seemed to be wavering on the verge of refusal. Light said nothing, just waited, and his patience was rewarded when, without a word, L stepped closer and wrapped his arms around the teen's shoulders. By some unspoken communication, L knew when to hop up and Light knew when to catch his legs so that the man was settled as comfortably as possible on Light's hips. L gathered up the length of the chain, wrapping it around his arm so Light wouldn't trip on it, and then Light set off.

They traveled in silence to what Light always thought of as a perfunctorily constructed kitchen, more an afterthought than a purposely planned part of the building. It contained a sink, a refrigerator, a microwave and not much else. He went over to the counter by the refrigerator and flipped around, letting L slide off onto the cool Formica. As the detective looked on, petulantly clutching his foot, Light grabbed one of the stools at the nearby island and placed it before L, taking a seat. He carefully grasped the man's foot and set it on his lap, searching for the wound. There, in the arch, near the heel. The stinger was larger than he'd expected but he was glad as it was much easier to remove. Once it was out he examined it again to be sure there were no pieces remaining. Satisfied, he went over to the sink and, after a few seconds of fruitless hunting, gave up trying to find a rag and instead wet a towel, applying a little soap. He carefully cleaned the area then dried it with the section of the towel that he hadn't soaked.

L bore it all stoically, not saying a word and hardly even stirring, allowing Light to move and touch whatever he needed to. On one hand, Light was glad the dark-haired man wasn't fighting him; but on the other it was a little unnerving.

"Well, at least you got her, too," the teen said, holding up the stinger, more to break the silence than anything else.

"I don't know why you would think I would take joy in the death of a mindless drone whose only fault was being in the wrong place at the wrong time," L replied flatly.

"I didn't, really," Light answered easily. "I just wanted you to stop sulking."

The detective's look became even more petulant. "I was not _sulking_, Light-kun. I will remind you that it was venom injected into my foot, not morphine."

"I know, I know," Light soothed. "Just give me a minute." He rose again, setting L's foot gently onto the stool, and opened the freezer, mentally crossing his fingers. To his relief there was some ice and he took a chunk and wrapped it in a new, dry towel. Then he resumed his seat and carefully laid the ice against the tiny pinprick visible on L's skin. The man flinched initially at the sudden cold but then held still. For several minutes they just sat there, Light occasionally adjusting the towel as the melting ice dampened it. Gradually, the subtle tension in L's features dissipated and Light assumed he was feeling better.

"It's going to take an hour or so until it stops hurting completely," he told the detective. "Does it at least feel a little better?"

"Yes," L answered quietly. "Thank you, Light-kun."

"At least you're not allergic," the teen added with a smile. "I'd hate to have to drag your puffy body around."

L gave him a rather sour look. "I think it is time we returned to the rest of the team, Light-kun."

"Sure. Would you like another piggyback ride?" The question was asked in a tone of purely innocent consideration but Light allowed a tiny smirk to wander over his face.

He would definitely give L credit for being a master at delivering dark looks. Probably helped by the unruly hair, glossy eyes and eternal shadows underneath them. And he couldn't help pushing just a little further.

"Maybe you should have the security of the building checked over. After all, if _bees _are getting in to attack you…."

"If you are _quite _finished, Light-kun…." The look the teen was receiving now promised that if he continued, L would gladly say to hell with the opinion of the rest of the investigation team and throw Light's ass straight back into a cell. Chuckling, Light followed as the man dropped off the counter and slouched determinedly back to the investigation room, favoring the side of his injured foot. It was somewhat cruel, he supposed, but the teen so rarely had the chance to see the detective off-balance it was hard not to tease him.

The pain did indeed subside and the incident was pushed aside, determinedly forgotten by L. That was, until three days later when the itching began.

Light hadn't really noticed at first, as the man had a tendency to rub his feet on his pants legs and each other anyway and his toes were constantly twitching. But when he caught L actually reaching down to scratch with his _hand_ of all things…. So he confronted L, which led to the inevitable verbal spat as the detective insisted there was nothing amiss, at least nothing that needed _helping_ with, and Light pointed out that there clearly _was_ and if he was determined to be difficult Light would simply have to examine him by force, to which L replied that Light-kun could certainly _try_ but he would not find it an easy venture, and Light took the opportunity to suggest that L was being extremely childish, resulting in L coming back with a rather overly-complicated and verbose retort which basically boiled down to "Well, _duh_."

Eventually L relented and sulkily ("I am _not_ sulking, Light-kun") allowed the teen to steer him to the sofa while Light took a seat on the coffee table and examined the bottom of his foot for a second time. The miniscule wound was no longer visible but the area surrounding where it had been was now inflamed. It must have been a delayed histamine reaction to the venom.

"I'll get some anti-itch cream to put on it, but then you're just going to have to leave it alone." Light purposely used the same tone he would have to scold a troublesome child. L chose not to answer, lolling along in reluctant obedience as Light went to find the cream. He found some in one of the medical kits stashed in a closet outside the investigation room – probably _not_ the best place for it – and grabbed some of the gauze as well. They sat once more and L let the teen apply the ointment, grudgingly admitting that it _did_ feel much better. He raised quite a protest, however, when Light began wrapping on the gauze.

"Look, Ryuuzaki, you need to have _something_ covering this up to keep the cream from rubbing off and to remove temptation, and if you refuse to wear socks or shoes then it's going to be this." After a brief but intense staring match L simply uttered, "Fine then," and Light tamped down a smirk as he set to work.

Over the next few days he continued to minister treatment, once in the morning, once at night and any other time that L looked like he was getting too fidgety, although he never did it in front of the rest of the investigation team – there was only so far he could push the detective. Of course, there was no reason L couldn't have handled it all on his own but … Light was enjoying himself. More, actually, than he should have. It wasn't just about teasing L and having the tiniest bit of power over him anymore. It was all about getting to touch him, however brief those moments of contact were.

Light took some time to meditate over that and decided it wasn't just the need to release sexual frustration – frankly, he didn't have much to begin with. Nor was it anything bordering on romantic feelings. It was just an odd sort of attraction, a … fascination. That was the only word he could find to describe it. There had always been a sense of this since he'd first met strange strange L. It was a little different now than it had been at the beginning; but then, he'd spent much more time with the man, learned more about him, so it was reasonable that his mindset had changed since that first meeting.

Of course Light had no idea how L would react if he approached the detective in a physical way. Probably not very favorably. He didn't think the fact that they were both men would necessarily be an issue – L had never struck him as a particularly conventional person in any regard – but the fact that he was still under suspicion as having acted as Kira certainly would. And L would undoubtedly view it as an attempt to sway his opinion or cloud his judgment.

So … did he really want to try anything? Would it be worth it? Could he convince L to respond to him? He glanced over at the dark-haired man crouched beside him, half-heartedly pecking at random keys on his keyboard with one hand and twirling a pen between the dexterous fingers of the other. The teen smiled. Well, after all, he _was_ Light Yagami. He wasn't one to sit and wonder about potentialities and never act. And really, how often did he fail?

_.x.L.x._

The strain was truly beginning to wear on L. It had now been just under a month since he'd chained himself to the boy. Which meant almost three months since the original Kira had vanished into thin air. Of course there was another Kira to pursue but L was finding it difficult to muster up the ability to care, which, given that this was his _job_, was quite the new experience. Not that it mattered entirely anyway. They had perfect little Light, brilliant future detective, working away to catch this one.

And L was still very much at odds about the ball-and-chain he'd inflicted himself with. Because even though Light was different now, he was still one of the most intelligent people L had ever come across, still able to converse at a level that bordered on mind-reading, so aligned were their ways of thinking. And they'd grown much more comfortable in their habits as well, although L thought they were probably best compared to a couple that had been married for the better part of a century and were held together merely by routine rather than any lingering affection. Still, in that respect things were much easier now.

But….

It just wasn't quite enough. Even if L could find himself enjoying Light's company at times, it was like … having to make do with doppelganger – it looked like Light, acted like Light, but the essence was missing. It was a tease, and it was hollow and empty.

And….

On top of the flagging morale of the team which wavered between his lack of enthusiasm and Light's personal drive; on top of having to deal with Misa Amane whose presence was thoroughly unwanted by everyone – with the possible exception of Matsuda – but which had to be suffered anyway because of her connection to the case and the evidence against her; on top of simply being constantly surrounding by other people for what felt like one of the longest periods of his life (even though it wasn't); on top of this all, L had, after quite a bit of introspection, come to the conclusion that he seemed to be pining. Actually bloody _pining_. All because, to every appearance, the boy chained to his person _wasn't_ a mass murderer. L was beginning to get a little concerned about the state of his own mind.

Yet….

He had no one to blame but himself for the way he was feeling now. He was the one who'd allowed himself to become so involved, so … _obsessed_ with Light as Kira. Every time he had to meet those eyes and _not_ see Kira behind them felt like a kick to the gut. Every time he laid some tiny challenge and had Light meet it only to walk away clean was just another hit. The thought that L had brought this distress upon himself was incredibly irritating and he had absolutely no idea how to deal with these side-effects except to try to ignore them. Which, of course, was rather difficult when the source of them was in his face twenty-four hours a day.

There were some odd side effects as well that L hadn't been expecting. His quirks had been become … quirkier somehow without any conscious effort on his part. His back bent itself even more, the shadows under his eyes deepened. The foods he requested became increasingly richer and sweeter in nature, although the only one who would have truly taken note or mentioned that he noticed, Watari, said nothing about the change. Perhaps he thought L was merely delving further into his role. Really, the detective was just trying to drown the bitterness that had slowly and steadily been rising in him with each day of this proximity to Light. The only real spark he'd felt was that day he'd deliberately provoked Light with his accusations and claims of lack of motivation (which weren't a complete lie anyway). He hadn't expected the boy to retaliate physically, but he was almost glad that he had. It had felt _good_. A poor substitute for the mental battle he'd reveled in but he had needed it. And then Light laid the breaking straw.

L had to give him credit for the way he did it. It was both unobtrusive and self-assured. They were alone, in their bedroom, L debating whether or not he wanted to bother to set his laptop up so he could work while Light slept. Light stepped close, spoke his name as though he wanted to ask something. But he didn't say another word, just let his eyes silently ask the question. And when he received no answer, or at least no _negative_ answer, he stepped closer still and carefully brought his lips to L's.

L wasn't sure _why_ he let Light do it. Maybe because he was in such turmoil where Light was concerned. Maybe simply because it _was_ enjoyable on some level. The boy's lips were coaxing, seductive, sure that they could induce a response – and L did respond. When the boy's mouth opened and his tongue ever-so-gently swept along the line of L's mouth he allowed his lips to part and let Light inside. Perhaps part of it was merely skill because there was no doubt that Light knew what he was doing.

But when L's eyes slipped shut and his arms began to reach up to touch the boy…. That's when his higher reasoning kicked back in and he asked himself: Did he really want this? It was the _body_ he wanted, of course, and he couldn't deny he _did_ want it, but….

No. This _wasn't_ the one he wanted, the one he _craved_. It had to be Kira or nothing at all. And while the lips currently caressing his and the hand that had reached up to cradle his jaw and stroke his cheek were _technically_ Kira's … it wasn't the same. He couldn't pretend it was. He couldn't substitute this boy for him and he didn't want to. In fact, L _hated_ Light Yagami, hated that he was here while Kira was gone. He hated Kira, too, really, for a number of reasons, not the least of which was taking himself out of the game; but L still wanted him with a fervor bordering on mania and since he wasn't here right now and all that was left was _Light_…. The full force of L's anger and frustration and twisted passion directed itself at the boy and he abruptly shoved him away, unable for a moment to keep a dark glare from burning out of his eyes.

They stared at each other in silence as L tried to compose himself, schooling his features and posture back into the ambiguity he'd taught them.

"I would appreciate it if Light-kun never did that again," L finally spoke, eyes locked on Light's. "I am not attracted to him in that way" – _lie lie lie_ – "nor do I wish to pursue any kind of relationship with him." Well, that was true enough.

A war of emotions flashed in Light's eyes, confusion, shock, and then irritation. Because L _had_ been responding, he could deny it all he wanted but his body couldn't lie and the _reason_ for the rejection was not what Light had been expecting. Plus, the boy was probably annoyed that he had been refused at all – it was surely an uncommon occurrence for him.

For a while neither of them said anything, just stared at each other, L now firmly back into his detached appearance if not mindset, Light also composed although he still showed a touch of indignation and anger (which did nothing for L's compulsion not to choose _this_ one). Then Light let out a huffed breath and ran a hand through his hair, each strand falling perfectly back into place after its wake.

"I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki," he finally spoke, both sincere and begrudging.

"It's understandable, Light-kun," L murmured, a sudden wave of almost-sympathy washing through him.

"I won't do it again," Light promised, expression now closed – the matter was over, wouldn't be broached again.

"Thank you, Light-kun," L replied, his smile hiding the pang in his chest.

_.x.L.x._

Over the course of the next few weeks L became exceptionally adept at pushing just the right buttons that would have Light lashing out in physical retribution. L was not a masochist by any means, but he needed Light to hit first so that he could hit back (he couldn't very well start beating up someone he'd already tortured and who was almost seven years his junior). It was all because of that sense of hopelessness that had been niggling at him, stronger each day Light didn't reveal any bit of Kira in himself. At least when they fought there was that anger and a shadow of the battle that had once been.

But it couldn't last forever – couldn't last any great length of time, actually. L _really_ wasn't enjoying having to take those shots. And it was all so meaningless, so pointless. And so very empty.

_.x.L.x._

"Going through the motions" was a phrase L was familiar with but had never personally experienced. His life's pursuit didn't exactly lend itself to that sort of thing. But everything else about the Kira case had been uprooting, shaking, breaking all that he thought he knew or was accustomed to so why not this as well? He ate, he poured through data, he spoke when spoken to, even occasionally initiated conversation when he required information. But there was nothing behind it, no drive, no desire. And no progress. At least, not from _him_.

It was Light who made the breakthrough and when he did something in L that had nearly died stirred back to life again. Yotsuba. A lead, and not _just_ a lead but a motive and the all-important possibility that whatever method Kira used to kill, it wasn't just limited to heart attacks. And, a fact that L latched on to and kept in the back of his mind, the pattern only fit _after_ Light had been imprisoned, _after_ he seemed to have changed. Hopelessness was replaced by a fragile and tiny flicker of hope.

But of course things could never run smoothly where this case was concerned. The very next day Yagami returned to them from NPA headquarters with the news that the police were officially withdrawing from the Kira investigation, coerced by politicians being threatened or outright bribed. The loss of support from an official organization was irritating but now that they had a direction to follow, L could employ other methods of investigation that he hadn't yet brought forth. Unfortunately, his penchant for testing people cost him Aizawa, but still … things were much better than they had been the previous few months.

The next few days only produced more indications against Yotsuba and L decided it was time to take advantage of some of his less-than-legal outlets of investigation, instructing Watari to contact Aiber and Wedy, a con artist and thief, respectively. Both were career criminals, both extremely skilled at what they did. Not skilled enough, of course, that L hadn't been able to catch them, but he had found it more worthwhile to employ them than to incarcerate them. Unfortunately, that meant two _more_ people who could identify him as L, but at this point why the hell not? And they were going to need the help to narrow their focus to whom specifically in the huge list of Yotsuba's employees might be acting as or working with Kira.

_.x.L.x._

Seriously, it was always something with this case. Perhaps L should have been more discerning about who he'd accepted on his team rather than simply taking the best number of bodies he could get. Too late for that now.

They had gotten a second break – one of the Yotsuba's Tokyo office VP's, Masahiko Kida, had put in a request to Eraldo Coil to uncover the identity of L, causing a flurry of alarm within the task force until L revealed that he functioned not only as L but also as Coil and Deneuve, the trio considered the top three detectives in the entirety of the world. (Of course, there were a great many other names, both famous and less so, that he used but there was no point divulging that as well.)

The request certainly strengthened the case against Yotsuba as well as giving them a great opportunity to use to their advantage. Wedy would apply her skills to infiltrate the building Kida worked in, getting them closer to their quarry, while Aiber would use the more direct approach of, well, directly approaching the man. But any moves from anyone would be made strictly under L's instruction.

"We will be operating under the assumption that not only can Kira kill merely by willing it and through knowing a person's name and face, but also that this power can conceivably pass from person to person. Therefore we must take extreme care that we are not discovered as we investigate them and collect the appropriate evidence, because if we are we will lose our best chance at catching this Kira. Are we agreed?"

There was a general round of acquiescence and L had just begun to lay out a plan when the call came in from Watari. Matsuda was sending out a distress symbol. From inside the Yotsuba Tokyo office building.

Fuck. Ing. A.

_.x.L.x._

"Of course I know how to drive, Light-kun."

Light raised a brow as he removed his helmet and shook out his hair. "No need to be touchy. I was just curious."

L returned the look as he ruffled a hand through his own frazzled locks and began unbuttoning his shirt. "I was not being 'touchy.' Driving is a fairly basic skill and it would stand to reason that I would know how to do so."

"Nothing stands to reason with you, Ryuuzaki," Light responded, but it was with a touch of a smile.

"Regardless, I learned quite some time ago, well before, I believe, the legal age limits of most places. However, I find it ridiculous that one's safety while doing so depends largely on trusting the other operators to obey the signs and laws of driving. And I have Watari to do it for me."

"That means you have to trust him," Light pointed out.

"I do, Light-kun." The boy fell silent at that, a touch of wistfulness in his eyes. L turned away slightly as he continued working on his shirt and reviewed the night's events in his head. It had been annoying as hell, but they'd managed to save Matsuda's life – whatever greater purpose that might serve – and it was nice being untethered for a little while. And as much as he'd bitched, L never _had_ minded playing roles when it was required. Things would have to be changed slightly now, but perhaps they could ultimately use the carelessness to their benefit.

He finished unbuttoning and pushed the fabric off his shoulders, letting it fall to his bent elbows as he went to the cuffs. Hearing an odd noise, he looked over his shoulder and saw Light staring at him with a strange half-smile.

"It's nice to see you wearing something different, Ryuuzaki," Light explained, removing his own shirt and hanging it neatly.

"Light-kun doesn't like how I dress?" L inquired, eyes wide, tone absurdly innocent and a touch pouty.

Light gave a little snort. "I wouldn't call throwing on the most non-descript clothing possible a manner of dress."

"Light-kun wishes to dress me in something else?" L dropped his arms, letting the shirt slide off to the floor.

The boy was silent for a moment, eyes swimming with a million things. Then he sighed and turned away with an, "Honestly, Ryuuzaki…." before continuing to strip out of the paramedic's uniform and redress in his normal clothing. L did the same, laughing inside. He really was a bastard sometimes.

_.x.L.x._

Following the Matsuda incident, some things had to be rearranged. L had been assuming Aiber would take the role as Amane's manager but the man revealed his intentions to act as Coil instead. That really only left Mogi as a possibility should they need it. Still, they now had the knowledge that a group of eight men met on Fridays, likely to discuss Kira-related issues and Wedy had easily broken in to set up surveillance devices. She'd also found a shredded document which had been very interesting – as well as incriminating – indicating rules for the manner in which people could be murdered. Now they just needed to watch and see what turned up.

_.x.L.x._

L went up to the roof, Light trailing obligatorily behind. The boy maintained a sullen silence until L had pulled himself up on a railing, arms slung over the topmost rail, feet propped up two below. This was the closest L got to feeling alone lately. Up here, where it was noisy and windy and empty, it was much easier to ignore his tether and the person fixed to the other end. And whether Light felt the same way, or respected L's need for solitude, or just plain didn't feel like making conversation, the boy usually kept silent as well. Not today, though.

"Is it really necessary to insult me like that?" he demanded in a controlled tone.

"I was not trying to insult you, Light-kun."

"You do well for not trying." L didn't bother responding to that. "You said I look like a murderer to you!" Light tried again.

"Yes, I did say that," L replied this time. He stared, unblinking, as the sun began creeping above the Tokyo skyline. They'd stayed up all night fine-tuning the method they would be utilizing Amane in to their best advantage. Greater detail would come after Yotsuba made its move but at least they had a fairly good idea where they would be going with this.

"That's just lovely, Ryuuzaki," Light muttered, jangling the chain in what L thought had become an unconscious irritated gesture. The man continued gazing at the horizon as he reached into a pocket and pulled out a very small object. Rolling it between his thumb and index finger so that the early morning light would catch it, he asked,

"Do you know what this is, Light-kun?" The boy stepped closer, examined, paused.

"It's a diamond," he finally answered.

"Yes," L confirmed, looking at the stone now. It was a pretty thing – probably around a carat, excellent color and cut, its inner fire coming through well. Watari was a wonder. Sometimes L was curious just how far he could go, what he could ask for before the man would finally make a comment, ask a question, raise a concern. He'd probably never find out.

"Diamonds," he began quietly (he knew Light would be listening carefully), "are the hardest substance on Earth. Useful for grinding and cutting. The better portion of the considerable number of diamonds mined is used for these purposes.

"However, the purpose that most people put them to is their most useless feature. This." Its inner flames blazed in blues and reds and yellows as L twisted it. "A pretty bauble to hang around a neck or wear on a finger, only given value because they _want_ to give it value. Because it captures attention, ensnares it, _demands_ it." He looked consideringly at the gem for a moment. "I've heard some newly affianced women actually have accidents while driving because they can't keep their eyes off of it, their shiny new symbol of love and devotion.

"And yet, without the right cut, in its natural state, it would look like nothing. Most people wouldn't even recognize it for the precious trinket they seek. And why? Because that fire is gone. The thing that mesmerizes them is missing. There's no beauty beneath the surface for them to see, nothing to captivate them." He paused again, staring at the diamond as if trying to read a deeper meaning in it. "Do you understand me, Light-kun?"

The boy was silent for so long that anyone else would have probably assumed he was refusing to answer. L knew better.

"I don't think anyone will ever entirely understand you, Ryuuzaki," Light finally spoke and L turned his head enough to give the boy an odd little half-smile.

"Well, maybe," he murmured, turning back to the stone. He twirled it a few more times and then with a flick of the fingers it was gone, vanishing into the cold city far below.

_.x.L.x._

Despite the schism in the team, L was still able to utilize the members that he needed in order to proceed with their plan, using Aiber posing as Coil to bring Amane's imprisonment as the suspected second Kira to Yotsuba's attention. Of course Light wasn't happy about putting her life in danger (L certainly had no qualms) but it wasn't difficult to manipulate Amane through the boy into serving L's purposes.

Unfortunately, Soichiro Yagami was a bit of a loose cannon, but thankfully was still receptive to arguments of logic.

Sadly, the same could not be said of Amane whose reactions were a little … off after she returned from the interview. (And if she touched him _one more time_, L swore he would not be responsible for his actions.) She still seemed submissive to Light, but in a different way that L couldn't quite put his finger on.

The possible reason for this became clear the next day when she disappeared for a period of time, only to return with a recording of Kyosuke Higuchi claiming to be Kira and offering to cease the killing of criminals. Yagami and Matsuda seemed pleased by this but L was irritated, for two reasons: One, he didn't like Amane acting on her own in this way, nor was he convinced by the rather weak explanation she'd given of how she'd gotten Higuchi to confess; and two, if the killings ceased, yes it would confirm Higuchi was mostly likely Kira, but it _wouldn't_ explain _how_ he was doing it. And without that they couldn't possibly hope for a conviction.

Light realized the difficulty as well, but he was still more concerned with stopping the killings than finding out the method of killing first. And, to L's disgruntlement, he was also concerned about Amane's safety. Interfering twit.

Still, the situation could be salvaged. If they could just create the proper circumstances that would force Higuchi to show them how he killed…. But for it to work, L needed one point confirmed.

"Light-kun, in order to capture Higuchi as Kira I need you to assume what I'm about to say is true and answer me accordingly. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Light Yagami was the original Kira. The power to act as Kira was passed on from you to another and you have forgotten both how to kill and that you _did_ kill. Would such a scenario have been through Light Yagami's will or that of another's?"

After a long pause, Light admitted, "It would have been through my will."

"Yes…." _Thank you_. L needed it to be true, not just for the sake of apprehending Higuchi. If it was true, then there was still the possibility, still the chance that his Kira would return. Which was what L had been wanting since he disappeared almost four months ago.

The stage was set, the players positioned – all they could do was wait for the outcome.

_.x.L.x._

L felt fairly safe in offering Light the gun. After all, this was Soichiro Yagami's model son. The chances of his declining it were over ninety percent. And even if he'd somehow been acting this entire time – which would make him the greatest one in the world, certainly the best _L_ had ever come across – as Kira he would undoubtedly never resort to using something so base and damning as a semi-automatic to execute the detective. Although he might possibly take it anyway. But, as expected, the boy refused.

While he flew the helicopter, L tried to untangle the knot of contradictions that were beginning to choke him. The most disturbing was that he just couldn't get excited that they were about to apprehend Kira. Up until now he'd been so absorbed by planning each step they would take that he hadn't stopped to think about what it all meant. Not that he wanted Kira to continue his executions and _certainly_ not that L wanted to _lose_, but…. If it wasn't Light, it was just meaningless. Light was the one he wanted, Light was the _Kira_ he wanted and anyone else was merely another notch on his criminal-apprehending belt. And not the notch that was most important to him. And if this was truly the end, if he never saw Light's Kira again…. It hardly seemed worth it.

But he was still going to do his job and so he demanded that Higuchi tell him the method of killing, would not be denied that most vital piece of information. And it was a book. A set of sheets bound within a cover and it made no sense and it explained _everything_. And with it came another revelation – of course he had to see for himself so the notebook was brought to him and as soon as he touched it … there was something that shouldn't be in this world, that was _never meant to be_ here. So tall, so spindly and bulky, barely humanoid in shape, blistering white standing starkly in the glare of half a dozen police vehicles while two grown men cowered like children before it.

The impossibility of it screamed in L's brain even as part of his mind fitted in the new pieces, creating an almost completed picture, and he hadn't realized Light had moved until he was already grasping the notebook, taking it away….

And _screaming_. The man had never heard anything quite like that and it sent shivers up his spine, forcing all other thoughts out as he stared wide-eyed at the boy beside him. The episode ended and Light seemed to settle down, even going straight into checking the veracity of Higuchi's claim, comparing the names in that book with those they had collected….

And things were not right, L could sense it, but he didn't know what exactly was wrong. The shivers subsided but now there was a needle digging into his gut and part of it was fear but a tiny part of it … was _hope_, that little flame that had been shining determinedly through this trial. And so L waited and watched closely, looking for any clues, any indications…. But there was nothing, nothing but Light performing his duty and the tiny flicker in L began to die.

"_What's happening??_" Higuchi was on the ground, writhing, straining, his head thrown back and jaw clenched, the tendons in his neck raised in exertion. His body slumped to the ground and L knew it was too late even as the boy beside him called out Dad, what's going on?? they couldn't let something happen to Higuchi! but the _tone_ was wrong. The pang stabbed L again as he turned to look at the boy beside him, eyes still locked on the scene unfolding outside the helicopter, shock written all over his profile. Nothing had changed and yet … _there it was_. The mask he'd grown to know almost better than his own. _It was back_. _Kira_ was back. _His_ Kira, _Light's_ Kira. A shudder ran through him, fear and pleasure and longing.

_Oh, God … thank you…._ And L really didn't want to think about which "god" he was lauding.

* * *

AN: Aww, Kira's back. L's so happy... -tear- :D

I was completely bugged by the fact that anytime you saw Light with the watch it was on his _left _wrist _except _for the Higuchi thing until I realized that, yeah, he probably _wouldn't_ be wearing it on the same wrist as the handcuff. A-hyuck hyuck. I'm so clever.

So the end is coming, my dears. :D See you next time.

31 Aug. '08


	7. Thoughts of a Dying Atheist

AN: I love this song. It's probably my second favorite on Absolution after "Time is Running Out." If you haven't heard it, you should definitely give it a listen. In fact, you should probably go and get the whole album. :D

Spoiler for L's name, but really, is there _anyone_ who reads this stuff that doesn't know it by now?

Finally, FAIR WARNING for fact that this is "near-canon"--not limited to, but including the fact that Light wasn't wearing a button-down shirt on the 30th :)--and also the "M" rating. Alright, off we go!

* * *

Thoughts of a Dying Atheist

_I know you're in this room  
I'm sure I heard you sigh  
Floating in-between  
Where our worlds collide_

_It scares the hell out of me  
And the end is all I can see  
And it scares the hell out of me  
And the end is all I can see_

_I know the moment's near  
And there's nothing we can do  
Look through a faithless eye  
Are you afraid to die?_

_.x.L.x._

If L was certain of one thing it was that Light Yagami had a plan. From this he could deduce a number of things.

Light had purposely allowed his murder tool to pass out of his hands knowing that it would end up with the investigation team where it would never be released. He wouldn't be stupid enough to attempt to use it while it was under such guard.

This – added to the incidence of the second Kira – meant there was most certainly a second Death Note somewhere.

To maintain a façade of innocence, Light would likely use Misa Amane as the retriever of this second note; she was a willing tool and he'd used her before. It was possible, no, likely, that he would even direct her to resume killing.

If he'd gone so far, it was safe to assume that he'd taken the next step – namely plotting L's death.

Given L's inquiring nature and what was surely Light's reticence to allow the detective to examine the Note too thoroughly (plus the simple fact that he'd been trying to end L since the beginning), his death would be set soon.

L didn't know how Light planned to kill him – and frankly, it didn't matter to him. He didn't have time to figure it out. He would just have to work on the assumption that his death was coming and there was little or nothing he could do about it. However, that did not mean he couldn't take Light down with him. But not before getting what he'd wanted for so very long. L would formulate his own plan, and quickly. By his own deadline he now had just over forty-eight hours.

_.x.L.x._

The first day was easy, relatively speaking. It took hours to sort out the mess with Higuchi and the night quietly and unobtrusively slipped into the next day. By this time the investigation team (now plus one with the addition of Aizawa once again) was exhausted, both mentally and physically. However, they were also driven and continued to gather information and pour over all they collected when they finally returned to headquarters (after unchaining Misa Amane and sending her off to bed). They uncovered a great deal about the method of killing, confirmed the rules of the tool Kira had used, and every bit of it merely reinforced in L's mind that it was exactly the sort of thing Light Yagami would have used to his every advantage, exactly the right tool to suit his clever mind, adeptness at manipulation and need for control.

Eventually, L was forced to rescind his position on the likelihood of Light's and Misa's guilt – at least in front of the team – and release Light from the shackles that had bound them together for just over three months. L had half-expected Light to raise protest that the handcuff hadn't been removed before that point now that they had "caught Kira." But at the same time he wasn't really surprised. The boy was playing his game, even insisting that he would remain to finish up the case (no doubt to stay close to L). Unfortunately, he just didn't realize that L now had a new understanding of the rules.

Although there were still points about which he was unclear. He attempted get the answers he needed from the shinigami, Rem, but the creature was vague and elusive and L found conversing with her to be both irritating and a waste of time. It made him question if this was truly the shinigami Light had originally dealt with or if perhaps it had been another. The answer didn't necessarily matter; it just didn't seem as though there was any degree of alliance between the two. And Rem didn't impress L as being a particularly able actress.

The lack of conclusions, however, meant that L would have to revise part of his tentative plan, making the time frame much narrower and the end result all the more uncertain. Still, he was not L for no reason. Perhaps it was arrogance, but he was nevertheless confident that he could make it work. And he would get what he'd sought, what he'd been _craving_, ever since it had been taken away from him.

They retired early that night which, considering no one had slept for over twenty-four hours, was understandable. There was still much work to be done but the team had been running on fumes and willpower for the past few hours and crashing was inevitable. Of course Light slept in another bed, in a different room, and L was completely alone for the first time in quite a long time. It was a relief – it had been almost a year since he was able to relax, let down the defenses he'd constructed, and it felt like letting loose after hours of hard labor. (Which in a way was true. Maintaining that sort of bad posture had nearly ruined his spine and, if he hadn't been as fit as he was, would have surely wrecked havoc on his knees as well.)

But the situation was also maddening. After all that time, all those _months_, denied what he'd wanted, what he'd been searching for; to have it here in front of him and yet unable to claim it and keep it. It made him burn and clouded his reason, the acrid brew that had been steeping in him at its strongest concentration. If he'd been prone to fits of rage he might have destroyed his room that night. That wasn't his nature though. His was a much more subtle corruption. More elegant and probably a great deal more despicable. Not unlike Kira.

It was a mistake that the others had left him completely alone. L _did_ lay destruction that night; but he didn't break a single thing.

_.x.L.x._

"Misa-san, as you are no longer under suspicion, you are now considered an outsider to this investigation. Therefore your presence is no longer acceptable. It would be best if you took up your own residence elsewhere and continued your work from there."

"You get to go home, Misa-Misa!" The model's look had been rather blank and vaguely annoyed at L's announcement, but Matsuda's enthusiastic declaration lit a smile on her face and spurred an outburst of high-pitched excited noise. Light, the "concerned boyfriend" (now that he had suddenly decided he had developed feelings for the blonde moron), smiled indulgently at her joy and promised dates for the future now that they were both free. This, of course, set off another round of squealing with an added harassment of grabbing and squeezing which L had to admit Light bore admirably, even as he wanted to fling something hard and pointy at the model, followed by the perfidious boy.

Her things were packed and taken down to the car which would remove her from their vicinity and then the entire team was escorting her down to the entrance to see her off. All except L. Before they left, he quietly beckoned Mogi to the desk where he still sat, the Death Note opened in front of him.

"Mogi-san, your duties as Misa-san's manager have ended; however, I would like you to please remain with her until she is delivered to her new residence. Do you understand? From this moment on, you are not to leave her side for any reason."

The man nodded briefly. "I understand." Without another word he hurried to catch up with the group and fulfill his duty. This was the part that L had the least control over, but he trusted Mogi to do exactly as told – meaning Light would have no opportunity to speak to Misa privately. Such a thing would no doubt frustrate the boy but he would likely assume that there would be chances to instruct her in the future. Too bad that L had other ideas.

They returned shortly, Matsuda wailing and moaning about the loss of Misa's presence (what was _wrong_ with him, anyway?) while Light nodded in agreement like the good little boyfriend and fellow investigator that he was. The rest of the team made no comments but largely seemed to be glad that she was gone.

The day was spent continuing to compare the names written in the Death Note with the list of dead they had, trying to make connections to the killings that had begun last year, analyzing the data on the Death Note itself, reviewing all the data they'd collected from the Yotsuba meetings and the surveillance on Higuchi. So far, though, the killings had stopped and there were no future names written in the Death Note – which L had largely usurped, allowing no one else to touch it. Light kept sending glances his way as he fingered the pages, clutching it in that bizarre germophobic grip, holding above his head and peering at it as though that angle could possibly tell him something different. The rest of the investigation team didn't seem to mind his possession, bothered as they were by the unnatural object.

Much like the one before it, the day wore on into late evening and L suggested that the rest of the task force retire for the night given the stressful period they'd just been under. Matsuda and Aizawa were happy enough to do so, Mogi ambiguous as ever, Yagami, of course, the only one determined to make things difficult for L, insisting he was fresh enough to keep working. It was only with remarks bordering on the razor edge of outright rude combined with Light's much more reasonable prods that the man finally consented to resting.

"Are you going as well, Light?" Yagami asked, hesitating as he turned to go.

"Yeah, in a little bit, Dad." Seeing his father was on the verge of protesting, Light hurriedly added, "I promise, not too long. I won't wear myself out. If it's alright with you, Ryuuzaki," he added as an afterthought.

"Certainly, Yagami-kun," L answered, absorbed for the moment in an over-sized piece of lemon meringue pie.

Yagami stared at them both for a moment then gave a little sigh, saying, "Not too late," before he headed up to the floor that housed his bedroom.

L's eyes immediately flicked to the digital clock hanging on the wall, counting out the minutes in its red LCD pixels. This was going to be tight, probably. Honestly, he just wasn't sure. Still, best to start now.

L sent the following message to Watari:

**Watari, please disengage all surveillance equipment and recording devices in this room immediately. I will contact you later with an explanation.**

Half a minute later he received a response.

**Understood.**

And now L put the core of his plan into action.

"Rem-san," he addressed the shinigami without looking at her, "You needn't feel that you must stay in this room at all times. You may go elsewhere." As in, get out. Out of the corner of his eye, L saw Light turn to look at her and there was a pause before the shinigami said, "Alright" then disappeared through one of the walls.

"There seems to be some tension between you and the shinigami, Yagami-kun," L observed, pursing his lips and staring innocently at the ceiling, though he could still see Light turn and frown at him.

"That stands to reason, doesn't it, Ryuuzaki? She's a god of _death_. She doesn't belong here. She shouldn't even _exist_. Why should there be anything _other_ than tension in her presence? You can't tell me even _you_ feel completely comfortable around her."

"Rem-san seemed to be interested in Misa-san," L commented, ignoring Light's subtle question.

"Well, Rem's a female, right? Maybe she's sympathetic toward other females."

L finally turned his head to Light mostly just to cast a skeptical look at him. "Why should that be, Yagami-kun? They're not even the same species. Just because they're both females is no reason for Rem-san to be specifically interested in Misa-san."

Light gave a false chuckle at that. "I guess so. I just didn't notice anything in particular, Ryuuzaki."

L went back to contemplating the ceiling. "Really? It makes me wonder if perhaps Rem-san wasn't previously familiar with Misa-san."

Light paused for a moment, apparently in thought, and then offered, "Well, maybe she is. She said the shinigami watch us from wherever it is they're from, right? So maybe she saw Misa from there."

"Hmm. I was under the impression that humans were watched by the shinigami for the purposes of writing their names in the Death Note."

Another small laugh. "Maybe that's not all they do. Maybe some of them form some kind of attachment after watching someone for a while. It happens."

L raised a brow. "Between a shinigami and a human?"

"Hell, even animals form attachments to each other, Ryuuzaki. It's not outside the realm of possibility."

L pulled on his lip. "It seems a rather silly thing to do."

Light's mouth twisted into a somewhat dark smile. "You're telling me."

L was silent for a while. Was Light covertly telling him that Rem _did_ in fact have some kind of personal attachment to Amane? If Rem hadn't been Light's shinigami and if each notebook had its own god of death, then it was possible that Rem was originally the creature with Amane. But did it matter if she was? Somehow. It must somehow, L just didn't have enough knowledge to understand the connection. Maybe it was simple, though. As simple as Rem was attached to Amane, therefore might kill those threatening her. It made a certain sense. Actually … it was almost perfect, wasn't it? Because, right now, the biggest threat to Amane was L himself. If he could assume those statements to be true…. That could very well be Light's plan. Of course, at this point it didn't really matter to L himself, but it would be worth assuming to protect the others.

Alright then. One detail down. On to the next. And L really _really_ needed this one to be correct. His intuition told him it was but … this was an extremely foreign thing he was dealing with, one which Light had had months to verse himself in and L had only had two days.

"The rules of this device are rather curious," he mused, flipping the pages to the front cover and then to the back.

"Well, it can hardly be expected to make much sense to us, can it? Nobody in their right mind would ever imagine something like that would exist outside of science fiction."

"True. Still … I wonder, Yagami-kun. If you had to speculate that one of these rules was false, which one would you pick?"

Light raised a brow. "I don't think we could safely assume that _any_ of them are."

"Indulge me." The boy frowned, almost glared at L, but then crossed his arms and lowered his chin, deep in thought.

"Logically," he finally answered, "it would have to be the rule that states the user will die unless a name is written down every thirteen days."

"Yes." L poked at his barely-touched pie. "That's the conclusion I came to as well. And if we were to take that to be true, we could take the next step and assume that the following rule is also false."

Light nodded. "I suppose so."

"Hmm." He poked the pie a few more times. If the last rule _was _false, it would put an entirely different slant on many things, from Raye Penber's to Higuchi's deaths. "Interesting to consider the possibility of fake rules. We know they were written by a shinigami since all parts of the Death Note except Higuchi's writing are of materials not found on Earth. So…."

"Maybe it's a way of messing with us." L looked quizzically at Light who shrugged. "I can't imagine that these shinigami would really want to be losing their Notes to us, can you? So maybe those were put in as a way to keep humans from messing with them."

"Hmm." _It's certainly _somebody's_ way of keeping us from messing with it_. L thought for a few moments, fiddling with his fork, then climbed out of his chair and moved over to the couch, taking his pie with him but leaving the Death Note. Spearing a small piece, L swirled the lemon and meringue around in his mouth, sucking on the fork, eyes once again cast up at the ceiling. Except for that very last bit, everything Light had said, every _conclusion_ matched L's own. Of course, it was a very basic understanding at best, but it should be enough.

"The shinigami Rem is bound here by the presence of the Death Note." Light, who'd gone back to typing on his computer when L relocated, swiveled his chair to look at L.

"That's what she said."

"So if it was no longer here, she would have no reason to be here either."

Light gave him a curious look. "Yeah, I would think so. Are you thinking of moving it somewhere else, Ryuuzaki? Do you really think that would be safe?"

"No, Yagami-kun, I wasn't considering that." This was probably all that L was going to get out of Light without directly questioning him which was not a feasible option at this point. So … that really just left one last thing. Unfortunately, L was really out of his depth here, not quite sure how to proceed, how to initiate. Well, it would just have to be improvisation then.

He started by putting the plate of pie down on the coffee table and standing up to stretch, exposing just the tiniest bit of his stomach as his shirt rode up. When he relaxed it wasn't into the hunched posture he'd assumed for the past several months but instead his natural stance, just a slight rounding of the shoulders. Light was still watching him and L saw a flicker in his eyes, similar to what he'd seen that one day at To-oh. L smiled slowly, letting everything he'd been trying to keep out of his own eyes seep into them now. This was Kira, after all, whose thought processes were so scarily alike L's. Perhaps a more direct approach would be best.

"Everything I've learned about you, Yagami-kun, has led me to believe that you are a person who will always go after what he wants, regardless of the cost or the consequences. And I know there is something you want now. So my question to you is: Why don't you just take it?" Light just stared at him, the mask still carefully in place even as his eyes flashed through a thousand points of thought. Then, without warning, he pushed himself out of his chair, rushed forward and grabbed L, one hand gripping his wild hair, the other fisting his shirt at the small of his back. Before L could react in any way, Light's lips crushed his own. The kiss was hard and demanding and L gave it all right back, wrapping his arms around Light just as tightly as L was grasped.

Teeth nipped until mouths were opened and tongues could thrust forward, each battling for dominance and neither giving in. Light pushed L backwards until he was slammed against a wall, hard enough that his head flew back and connected painfully with the unforgiving surface. When he gasped, Light used the advantage to gain control of the kiss, grinding the older man into the wall, invading his mouth, exploring every inch of his captive. L allowed the domination for a minute; then he pushed and spun Light, ramming _him_ against the wall, pinning him with his slender but strong body.

Now _he _took advantage of the other's momentary stun to plunder the mouth open to him. Light tasted like tea, but not sweet reminiscent of the way L preferred to drink it – his taste was clean, strong and a little bitter. It was different from the first kiss they'd shared, _he_ was different, no longer just Light Yagami but _Kira_, and the thought inflamed L's fervor, making him clutch at the boy, connecting their hips and rubbing their groins together.

Light inhaled sharply while L let out the tiniest of groans at the stimulating contact. He did it again and again as his tongue continued to raid Light's mouth and the boy retaliated by suddenly grabbing the hem of L's shirt and pulling it up and off, not making any effort to be careful. Then he used L's distraction to spin them once more, this time gripping just under L's ass and lifting him up, using the wall as support. L automatically wrapped his legs around the boy's waist as he suddenly found himself looking down on Light yet at his mercy.

Light grabbed a fistful of L's hair, yanking to pull his head back and then sink his teeth into the man's long pale throat, L giving a little cry of surprise. It hurt and L loved it. _God_, when did he get this way?

"Nothing … visible…" he managed to get out between gasping breaths. He felt more than heard Light give a low growl somewhere deep in his chest, but the boy obeyed, moving from spot to spot, gentler but still using teeth more than lips or tongue. Perhaps it was some strange projection of his mild oral fixation but L discovered that he absolutely _loved_ being bitten. His agile fingers threaded themselves in Light's silky hair as the boy moved his mouth down to one of L's nipples, sucking on it just shy of painfully, nipping with his teeth and flicking with his tongue.

L's hands moved from Light's hair to his shirt, quickly working through the buttons, wishing he could just rip the fabric open and fling the dratted little things across the floor, but they couldn't leave that kind of evidence. A growl escaped him as Light wiggled the material off and L realized the boy was wearing an undershirt. Preppy ass. He clawed at the shirt until the hem came untucked; then he grabbed it and pulled it off as carelessly as Light had done to him.

The feel of smooth bare skin against his set the fire burning in L to blazing levels, his heart racing and breath short. He gripped Light's face and tilted it up for another kiss, tongue stroking and battling Light's. L's head was spinning with the overwhelming rush of sensations, greater than any he'd ever experienced, and he was so caught up in it that he didn't realize he actually _was_ spinning until he felt the world shift and then the cushions of the couch on his back.

The bounce as L hit the sofa broke the kiss and they paused for an instant, clinging to each other, breath heavy. Then Light smiled, just shy of being a smirk, and the look in his eyes almost made L moan. He wasn't quite able to keep it in, though, when Light began using his mouth on him again, teeth and tongue, moving down his throat to his nipples, skating over his ribs to his navel, while Light's hands ran all over his skin, touching, pressing, feeling.

L accepted it all, head tilted back and eyes closed, completely absorbed in the moment. God, he would _never_ get enough of Light touching him. It was like a fucking drug, all those little electrical sparkles firing pleasure straight to his core. Dizzying and all-consuming and absolutely intoxicating.

Now Light's hands were working on his pants, unfastening and pulling them down with impressive speed, random items from various pockets clattering away as he flung the clothing to the floor. And then he was removing L's boxers and suddenly the man had a second of hesitation. Granted, he was enjoying himself immensely but his pride wasn't about to let Light dictate the entire course of action.

So when Light leaned back over him, L hooked his leg around one of Light's, grabbed the boy's wrist and used the temporary unbalance to flip their positions, briefly surprising him.

Light recovered quickly and stared up at L with narrowed eyes. "I thought you said…."

L smirked slowly, dark eyes gleaming down through his disheveled locks. "But I never said I would make it easy." He leaned down to draw Light into another kiss and began running his hands over the body below him, chuckling to himself as his fingers danced over lines and curves of muscle and skin. He'd been right before – if he'd started touching Light he never _would_ have been able stop.

Light's fingers tangled in L's hair, seemingly content to allow the man's explorations. He made some interesting and pleasing noises when L released his lips and instead began to taste his throat and chest. While his mouth worked on Light's torso, L's fingers worked at his pants (damn this boy and his belts!), and then he was pulling them off together with the boxer-briefs underneath, leaving them both fully naked and fully aroused. L took a moment to simply look at Light stretched out beneath him, that _look_ in his eyes….

L fitted himself along Light's body, experiencing another surge of intensity at the feeling of their bare, hot skin pressed against each other. He descended on Light's mouth again, their tongues battling fiercely as he began to move, rubbing himself against Light and groaning at the sensations, his noises matched by Light as he continued, increasing the pace. It was getting to be too much and he knew he should probably stop, but he just couldn't….

And then Light suddenly pushed him away, putting pressure on L's hips so that he had to get up on his knees to keep his balance. He propped himself up with his hands on either side of Light's head and looked down on him in utter confusion. But the boy just smiled, reassuring and sinful.

Light put a hand around L's throat, the grip demanding, tight, and pulled him down for a kiss. As his tongue stroked slowly, wickedly, along L's, Light's other palm moved down the man's body until he reached the heavy erection. He took it in his hand, rubbed his thumb around the head, L responding by lifting one hand to thread his fingers in Light's silky hair and deepen the kiss. Light's hand disappeared and then came back, but this time slipped between L's legs, back and up, a finger circling his entrance. It had been slicked with something and Light lost no time in sliding the digit inside, past the tight resistance.

L made a small noise deep in his throat. It was … strange. Very very strange. Before he could adjust or decide _what_ exactly he thought about the sensation, the finger was removed and the hand disappeared. It came back a moment later and this time two slippery fingers were pushed inside. L lost his concentration on the kiss and Light used the hold on his throat to pull the man forward, having the dual effect of allowing Light's teeth to reach L's shoulder and causing the man to lean down which opened him further to the boy's questing fingers. While he nipped and bit the pale skin covering L's collarbone, his hand worked the man open, not seeming to bother much with gentleness and L squirmed under the assault of pleasure at one end and almost-pain at the other.

Then one of Light's fingers finally brushed along L's prostate and he jerked and let out a surprised noise, the hand in Light's hair clenching – painfully, if the boy's hiss was anything to go by. Light's fingers moved again, stimulating the gland as L twitched and caught his breath in stuttered gasps.

"L-Light…" he breathed into the boy's ear and felt the smile against his shoulder. The fingers left and L wasn't sure if he was disappointed or not – everything just felt _so_ strange right now – and Light was pushing him back, hand trailing leisurely down L's chest and abdomen as he sat up. And L's curiosity being what it was, he couldn't help but ask, "What did you use?" as he looked down on the boy with hazy eyes.

In response Light reached up and gently closed L's eyes then moved his hand away. When it came back, Light's fingers were covered in something again and they were pushing insistently past L's lips and into his mouth. His tongue automatically swirled around them and tasted … lemon meringue. L's eyes popped open to see Light smirking up at him.

"My pie," the man said a little plaintively after letting Light's fingers drop. He took a moment to lament the loss of the dessert; thought with sardonic amusement, _I've been doing this for too long_ when he _realized_ he was lamenting the destruction of his treat; and then thought nothing at all when Light suddenly gripped his hips, lifted him up and then brought him back down, impaling L on Light's erection. The cry that tried to leave L's mouth strangled and died in his throat as his body scrambled to adjust to the aching fullness that Light's fingers had not entirely prepared him for.

They both froze, stuck in the moment, Light taking tight shallow breaths while L forgot to breathe at all. Then Light reached up, pulling L down by the nape of his neck to press their lips together softly.

"Relax," he murmured against the man's mouth and L did so, letting out the breath he'd been holding. Light wrapped his arms around L and pushed up slowly, driving himself deeper into L's body until he was buried to the hilt. Again there was a pause as they both adjusted to the unfamiliar feeling, L wondering briefly if he should be affronted by the fact that L was being penetrated by Kira – but ultimately decided that it didn't matter. They'd always been bound together and it didn't matter in what way. And besides, he was still on top.

Now L was beginning to feel a little … impatient, ready to move on to the next part. He grasped Light's head and tilted it up to give him a long, deep kiss.

"What are you waiting for?" he asked with an inviting smile when he broke it off. Light smiled back and then moved his hands down to L's hips, lifting as he pulled out slightly, then thrusting back in as he brought L's hips down again. L gasped, fingers clenching Light's arms, as a wave of fire washed through him, leaving pleasure and heat in its wake. With his eyes he urged Light to do it again and he did, this time L moving with him. Together they found a rhythm, the thrusts becoming harder and faster, Light leaning back to drive in deeply each time.

Their breathing was erratic, gasps and moans and small cries escaping to be lost in the empty room; but there were no words exchanged, no names spoken, no false promises or meaningless declarations as they moved against each other, building toward mutual rapture.

L wasn't sure who reached first – knowing them, it had probably been simultaneous. Either way, their hands found and clutched each other, fingers intertwined. And their eyes met for a frisson of a second and something _changed_ between them … but the moment passed as quickly as it had come. Light's head was thrown back, eyes closed, and he gave a breathy cry: "_L._"

That, the point of fiery ecstasy Light had been contacting with each of his thrusts, and the feel of Light's release inside of him was enough to spur L into his own, mouthing a silent yell as he stiffened and emptied: "_Kira_."

With rather shaky arms, L raised himself enough to let Light slip out of his body – a singular and somewhat unpleasant sensation – then let himself collapse haphazardly on the boy's chest, taking care to avoid the mess now there. They were both silent but for the heavy breaths that gradually returned to normal. It was peaceful but not what anyone could have termed a "lover's ambience." There was none of that, just a sating of pleasure.

The warmth of the body beneath him, the stillness of the room and the large amount of energy expended combined to lull L into a semi-conscious state and it was with difficulty that he roused himself. He hadn't anticipated the exhaustion that followed sex and found the pull of sleep tempting. But he just didn't have that kind of time. His heavily-lidded eyes flashed once more to the clock. No time at all, really.

"Why do you keep looking at the clock?" Apparently Light had been watching him. Probably entertaining some self-congratulatory thoughts on having been able to nail the detective before killing him. L allowed a dark smile to cross his lips before he pushed himself up and off of the boy. He paused to touch Light's face, leaned down to give him one more kiss. Then he stood, collected his clothes and redressed, checking each piece for any unusual sign but finding none. (And he was grateful that he managed to make his movements look normal given that his legs were rather wobbly and he was sore in … _places_.)

"Get dressed," was all he said to Light. The boy gave him an inscrutable look for a moment but then obeyed, dressing wordlessly and efficiently after cleaning himself off rather ineffectively with some of the tissues that sat on the coffee table, while L retrieved the items that had fallen out of his pocket. He finished and waited for Light, staring at him impassively.

"You wanted to know why I was looking at the clock, Yagami." The boy still said nothing, amber eyes glowing out of that composed mask. But it was useless because L could read everything now. If he'd been in the mood he might have laughed. Instead he went to the desk where the Death Note lay and picked it up – using more than two fingers – flipped to a specific page and turned to show it to Light. "This is why." The boy stepped closer to read the lines carefully printed there.

_Light Yagami  
Heart attack  
Remains in surveillance room after 8:00pm on October 30, 2004  
Convinced that nothing is amiss and things will progress as he has planned, he is compelled to speak truthfully  
Engages in sexual intercourse  
Dies at 11:45pm of the same day_

It was now 11:34.

L rather enjoyed the widening of Light's eyes and the paling of his face as he read the condemning words, and he allowed a small smile to lift the corners of his mouth. The smile spread a little further as the boy finally let the mask slip, realizing there was no need for it anymore – it was too late.

"_You son-of-a-bitch_," he hissed, hands clenching at his sides although L doubted he would bother to start a fight at this point.

"Undoubtedly," the man agreed mildly.

"Why would you do that?" Light demanded, looking wilder by the moment.

"That's a rather silly question for Kira to ask, don't you think?" The boy's jaw clenched and L wondered if he would still try to deny it. He didn't and L was glad – he would have been disappointed if Light had continued to make such stupid insistences at this point.

"You're ten times worse than me, you bastard. Made sure you'd get your screw, didn't you?"

L shrugged. "I thought there was fairly decent chance it could have happened anyway but since I had the means I decided to make it a certainty. And based on what we know about the unwritten rules of the Death Note as dictated both by Yotsuba and your own actions with it, I have to conclude that you wanted it, too, or you would have died in a different way. So we both got what we wanted."

"_Fuck_ _you_, L."

"You already did that, Yagami. And I don't believe you have the time to attempt it again." The hatred in the boy's eyes practically set fire to the air around them.

"You're despicable," Light spat at him and L nodded.

"I would tend to agree that I have become that way, yes. I'm not all bad, though." He set the Death Note down and then gave the boy what was meant to be a sweet smile although it probably ended up being more creepy than anything else. "I have a present for you. Something you've wanted for a long time but never ever did get."

"What?" Light bit out and L was impressed that he continued to hold in his anger especially given how volatile he'd been when he _wasn't_ Kira.

"My name, Yagami. Would you like it?" Something flared in Light's eyes and L knew he was fleetingly considering the possibility of some kind of trick. He also saw the moment when Light decided that such a thing would be pointless at this stage; he was already damned. Now the light of opportunity shone ever-so-briefly before Light sniffed disdainfully and turned away, tugging prissily on his left cuff.

"Why should I believe that you would give me your true name even now?"

"Believe it or not but I consider it a parting gift. Besides, what reason do I have to lie at this point? My given name, Yagami, is L Lawliet." Light's back was still turned so L couldn't see the look on his face but he could imagine the triumph that must have been there. The man waited for a few moments then darted forward and grabbed Light's wrist. The boy didn't even try to break away – the damage had already been done. A bit of metal was protruding from the side of his watch, a small piece of paper pinned inside. L's name and two variants were scrawled on it in what appeared to be blood.

"Impressive, Yagami. That is a very interesting and useful feature of your watch. I had wondered how you disposed of Higuchi. And I must say you seem to be oddly skilled at writing with blood in limited spaces. By the way, you spelled it correctly the first time." Light gave the man a searching look – doubtless, this wasn't the reaction the boy had been expecting. Now he was wondering if he'd missed something, made a mistake somewhere, but still assuming he had the upper-hand. Arrogance could be quite the self-deluder.

"I'm going to take you down with me, L," Light finally spoke, dredging the promise from the depths of his hatred.

All L said was, "Yes." The seconds ticked down, Light's eyes grew fevered, an unconscious sneer twisting his lips and then … nothing. The amber eyes widened in disbelief, a touch of panic, and then narrowed in venomous distrust.

"You _did_ lie," Light accused.

"No," L replied simply. "But I did deceive you, in a fashion. I'm afraid it was a bit of self-indulgence on my part. I wanted to reach twenty-five before I died, you see." Again he picked up the Death Note, this time flipping to a page beyond the one that bore Light's fate.

_L Lawliet  
Heart attack  
Dies at 12:01am on October 31, 2004_

A startling array of emotions flashed across Light's face as he took everything in, ran through the possibilities, came to the inevitable conclusions. When his composure finally settled left there was bitterness, triumph and a touch of something that L couldn't quite identify except to say that it was meant only for him. Then Light tore his eyes away to glance at the clock, panic rising again when he realized there was only one minute left.

"I don't want to die," he moaned, clutching his own shirt as though desperate to hold on to something. L set the Note down on the coffee table and gently pushed Light to sit on the sofa.

"I know," was all he replied. And then he stood there and watched. He did not speak, did not touch Light, nor offer comfort or scorn, just watched as the timer hit zero and the boy's eyes went the widest L had ever seen. Light's hand fisted the fabric over his heart as his mouth gaped like he was trying to draw breath and was unable. And then his body relaxed, sagged as the life fled it, his now-dull eyes slipping shut. For a moment longer L watched – then he set to work.

He checked the room over, righting anything that seemed off, making sure nothing was obviously out of place. The scrap of paper in Light's watch was removed (the back shut again) and placed in the Death Note. There was an old-fashioned delivery tube system L had had installed just because he was L and he thought in contingencies, and he used this method to send the Death Note to Watari. Then he sat down at a computer and began typing.

_Watari,_

_I assume you have handled the Death Note by this point. I believe you are now the owner of it, or will be in a matter of minutes. Please burn the Note and dispose of the ashes. You will not be harmed – I have ascertained that the final two rules are false._

_I have also confirmed Light Yagami is Kira through methods I would rather not disclose to you or the investigation team. It is for this reason, not out of a desire to protect Light Yagami's reputation, that I ask you to provide the following account to the investigation team:_

_This night Light Yagami and myself had a confrontation with the shinigami Rem. While we were studying the Death Note the shinigami killed us, reclaimed the notebook and returned to her own realm. You may embellish this as you see fit._

_As I understand it, the destruction of the Note will lead to the shinigami's departure from our world so this should not be an issue. Also, please ensure that no autopsy or close examination of our bodies is performed as this will only lead to questions – merely confirm that we died of heart attacks. It would probably be best if you did a thorough check of the room to be sure there is nothing that would be viewed as amiss. I have performed only a cursory inspection._

_You will also have to arrange the appearance of a technical malfunction to explain the lack of surveillance during this period. Manipulation of the time stamp might also be advisable to allay questions about the length of time the devices weren't engaged. Again, you may do as you see fit._

_I am also quite sure that Misa Amane is the second Kira. However, she must not be apprehended or executed. I have been led to believe that the shinigami Rem would retaliate against any who attempt Misa Amane harm. Therefore arrange for her to be watched only. It is my suspicion that she will not live long anyway after she learns what has befallen Light Yagami. Do nothing to prevent this._

_Give a full account of events to whomever it is that follows me. (I trust your judgment.) Particularly, imprint upon him that there is a second Note still on this Earth though I do not know where. He must always watch and always be prepared._

L paused briefly here, wasting precious seconds in introspection. Then he began again.

_Finally, please accept my apology. It was my selfishness and obsession that led to this and while I don't regret my actions for myself (as I am sure that, regardless of what I had done, this case would not have left me the same) I do regret the result of my actions for you. You have been faithful and indispensible and in this doing I have treated you very poorly. I am sorry. I hope you will forgive me._

_Please care for the next as you did for me – none could do it better._

–_L_

Again L paused before clicking the button to send the message to Watari. A glance at the clock showed there wasn't much time left. L took a moment to debate himself then decided to take a place on the sofa beside Light. One more cursory scan of the room and that was that – the rest would be up to Watari.

He settled beside the shell that had once been Light Yagami, his challenger, his equal, his obsession. For a second he considered spending his last moments wondering where he would be if Light, if Kira had never entered his life but decided such a thing would be pointless and stupid. What had been done was done and nothing would ever change it.

Instead, his mind cast back to, of all things, the one and only conversation he'd had with Mello. He supposed it was natural, though, that faced with his own death his thoughts would cast toward Heaven. Whatever that might be. He decided, in those final quiet moments, that he would like it if he faded away into Mello's heaven, into nothing. It was enough to deal with Kira in life – he didn't need to do so in the afterlife as well.

Not wanting to torment himself, L hadn't been watching the time and so was caught by surprise. It hurt, _God did it hurt_, but worst was that he just _couldn't breathe_. He lost his balance and lurched, of all directions, into Light. Well, why not? The daimon and daemon gone down together.

Feeling, sound, sight all left him, leaving only his thoughts spiraling away until just two remained.

_I may not have won…._

_But I…_

_…didn't lose, either._

_.x.L.x._

_All humans will, without exception, eventually die._

_After they die, the place they go is MU. (Nothingness)_

_Once dead, they can never come back to life._

_-Death Note, Vol. 12_

* * *

AN: I really enjoyed giving Light that line about the clock. He had that coming.

-sigh- I absolutely love fluff, love it to pieces, but I really don't think there was ever any way both of them would come out of this alive, at least not in this 'verse. So at least L can go down swinging. :)

Thank you very much for sticking with me, those of you who've read, alerted, faved, and most especially shared your thoughts through reviews. I really had fun writing this (when I wasn't tearing my hair out and driving both myself and my husband to distraction with my bitching and moaning. :D)

There is one other little thing: Technically, there is an epilogue to this, basically looking at what happens to everyone else afterwards. Probably a little depressing. I'll leave it up to you whether I post it or not. So let me know!

4 Sept '08

UPDATE: So, as it was pointed out, if I did an epilogue, I may as well post it. :) You can decide whether you'd like to read it or not. And that completes Phyxation. Thank you again to everyone.


	8. Epilogue: Soldier's Poem

Soldier's Poem

_Throw it all away, let's lose ourselves_  
'_Cause there's no one left for us to blame  
It's a shame we're all dying  
And do you think you deserve your freedom?_

_How could you send us all so far away from home?  
When you know damn well that this is all  
I would still lay down my life for you  
And do you think you deserve your freedom?_

_No I don't think you do  
There's no justice in the world  
There's no justice in the world  
And there never was_

_.x.X.x._

_As of September 13, 2010:_

-The Kira case was closed, Kyosuke Higuchi accepted worldwide as the culprit. The members of the Kira investigation task force were not satisfied with this but had no other explanations and, under the insistence of Watari and the new L, let the matter drop.

-Mello and Near were jointly established as L (as well as several other detective codes) by Watari immediately following the previous L's death. This fact was not disclosed to any outside parties and the members of the task force – who were aware of the previous L's death – were sworn to secrecy on this point. Though Mello and Near worked together on most cases, they were never in the same location. This was both for security reasons and to attempt avoiding a schism. The arrangement worked until December of 2007 when Mello disappeared. A few weeks later, "Matt" disappeared from Wammy's House. Neither has been heard from since. Near remains as L alone.

-The professional criminals known as Aiber and Wedy continue to work for L. They have been told the man they met during the Kira investigation was merely a stand-in.

-Misa Amane carried on with her work as a model until December 24, 2004 when she threw herself in front of a train, ending her life. She was mourned by the entertainment industry as the loss of a rising talent.

-The shinigami Rem has not written any names in her Death Note since Misa Amane's death. It is unknown how long her remaining lifespan is.

-The surviving six members of the Yotsuba group responsible for planning deaths between June and October 2004 have been indicted and incarcerated under various charges by L.

-Shuichi Aizawa, Kanzo Mogi, and Touta Matsuda returned to the NPA where they continue to work in the Special Crimes division.

-Soichiro Yagami, due to his weakened health, remains resigned from the NPA despite requests for his return. He and Sachiko Yagami moved to a home in the country, while Sayu remains in Tokyo to attend college.

-The shinigami Sidoh has not been able to obtain a new Death Note and it seems likely he will die soon.

-The shinigami Ryuuk is still in the shinigami realm. He continues to relate the story of Light Yagami and is often requested to do so.

-Gelus's Death Note remains buried in Japan. It has not yet been found.

-Light Yagami was mourned by many, both as the loss of a kind and compassionate young man and the loss of an incredible talent. The Yagami family continues to feel the passing of their son and brother.

-The loss of the man who functioned as the detective L for more than a decade is felt only by one.


End file.
